


Must Be Dreaming

by IvanW



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Abduction, Angst, Bonding, Dreams, Dreamsharing, Established Relationship, Gay, Lost Memory, Love, M/M, Mind Control, Mind Manipulation, Mind Rape, Reunion, Romance, Sexual Content, T'hy'la, Torture, Unknown Reality, missing memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-03-02 10:55:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 20,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2809757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk is abducted for 28 days and while gone meets up with someone very familiar. Now he is on a mission to find out what happened during those 28 days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meeting Kirk

Jim walked into the ice covered cave more than a little lost. Icicles dripped from the archway of the cave, their jagged ends pointed ominously toward him as he passed through.

“Great, another snow planet,” he mumbled out loud. At least he was dressed for it. He was bundled up in a heavy coat with thick fur, he had no idea if it was real or synthetic—and wasn’t that weird—and a hood covering much of his head. His feet were encased in knee high boots.

Strange how he couldn’t really remember how he got there. Landing party? But then where was the rest of his party? Had he got separated? But what planet was this? And where the hell was his communicator?

“Hello?” he called out as he walked farther into the cave. Damn it was freezing.

Jim wondered how far into the cave he should go. If Spock and the crew were searching for him he shouldn’t go in too deep or they might not be able to lock onto his coordinates.

One more corner, he decided. He’d go around one more corner and if he found nothing, he’d go back the way he came. But even as he did it, he felt warmer. And then he spotted the flickering glow of a fire.

“Hello?”

“Hello.”

Jim stopped when he came upon a man, knelt next to a fire. His back was to Jim. “Hey.”

The man stood and turned around. He smiled. “Well. Jim Kirk, right?”

Jim blinked. “How did—wait—you’re—”

“Jim Kirk. Yes.”

He stepped closer to the man. There were similarities between them, yeah, but this man—this Kirk—had hazel eyes. “How is this possible? Aren’t you—?”

“Long dead?” Kirk smiled. “Yeah. Sort of. I’m from another time. Another universe.”

“The one with the other Spock? The one I met on Delta Vega?” Jim frowned, looked around. “Wait. This is Delta Vega.”

Kirk nodded. “Yes. Your Delta Vega. The one I knew was nothing like this. You met my Spock?”

“Yeah. I think so. After Vulcan was destroyed.”

He frowned. “Destroyed? Spock must be devastated.”

“He was. Is.” Jim bit his lip. “I’m getting a headache.”

“I’m getting a headache,” Kirk said at the same time. Then he laughed. “In some ways we’re a lot alike. In other ways, no.”

“I always wondered how alike we were. Spock told me you knew your father.”

“I did. You don’t?”

Jim shook his head. “Killed as I was being born.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I envy you knowing your dad.”

“Perhaps. Why don’t you sit? You might be here awhile and the fire’s warm.”

Jim sat next to Kirk. It was weird sitting next to a version of yourself. He had no idea how it was even possible.

“Other things I don’t envy you over.”

Kirk gazed at Jim. “Such as?”

Jim licked his lips. “When I met your Spock he melded with me to show me your time, your universe. He said it was the easiest way to know why he had come from the future.”

“All right.”

“There were a lot of images, but I remember.” Jim hesitated.

“What?”

“I saw you lose your son.”

Kirk exhaled. “I did. I did lose David. I’d barely begun to know him and then he was taken from me.”

“I can’t imagine that.”

“I hope you won’t have to face it,” Kirk said. “You’ve been with Carol?”

Jim blinked. “Carol? Carol Marcus?”

Kirk smiled a little. “Yes.”

“No.” Jim frowned. “She’s a member of my crew but—”

“A member of your crew? This universe is different.”

Jim laughed. He couldn’t help it. This was too weird.

“There were a lot of things I regret,” Kirk said, staring into the fire. “A lot of enemies I’ve faced.”

“You faced Khan, right?”

He looked up sharply. “What do you know of him?”

“We faced him, too. He destroyed the Enterprise.”

“The warp core,” Kirk said matter-of-factly.

“Yes.”

He looked a little haunted. “Did Spock…did  _your_  Spock…fix it?”

Jim shook his head, feeling his stomach flip at the memory of the burning pain as his body gave out to radiation poisoning. “No, not Spock. I did.”

Kirk blinked. “How is that possible?”

“Bones used Khan’s blood to revive me,” Jim explained.

“Khan’s blood?” Kirk frowned. “You faced him when you were far younger than Spock and me.”

“Your Spock died?” Jim asked. “He wasn’t revived with Khan’s blood?”

“No. It was different. More…complicated than that.”

They lapsed into silence. “Do you want to see him?” Jim asked after a while.

“Spock?” Kirk smiled wistfully. “It’s not possible.”

“But if you’re here…somehow…and he’s here, why couldn’t you?”

“I wish that I could, young one. But what of your Spock? Where is he?”

Jim shrugged. “I guess looking for me. I’m not sure how I ended back on Delta Vega. I have no recollection.”

“How did you get here before?”

“Spock marooned me.”

“Spock?”

Jim smiled. “A long story. Anyway, we’re friends now.”

“Friends?” Kirk frowned. “You aren’t bonded yet?”

“Bonded?” Jim laughed. “Me and Spock? He’s with Uhura.”

“Uhura? Spock?” Kirk shook his head. “That’s…strange.”

Jim stared at Kirk. “Wait, does that mean you and  _your_  Spock are?”

Kirk nodded. “Yes. We were older than you are now, though, so maybe you just haven’t gotten to that point yet.”

“But, so you were—”

“T’hy’la,” Kirk supplied for him. “Friends, brothers…lovers.”

Jim swallowed. “Lovers?”

Kirk nodded again. “Yes. I am surprised you did not learn it since you melded with Spock.”

“Wow. I never—I mean yeah I have but—”

“You want him,” Kirk said.

Jim blew out a breath. “Yeah, I do. But I never thought anything would happen between us.”

“Maybe you have to make it happen.”

“I don’t know,” Jim admitted. “If you were bonded, how come you don’t want to see Spock?”

Kirk gave his wistful smile. “I want to, believe me. It’s just not possible, Jim.”

“Why?”

“We’re not really here, you and I.”

Jim frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“I’m in your dreams,” Kirk said softly.

“But—”

“Wake up, Jim. You have to wake up. Or you never will.”

“Never?” Jim felt panic tighten his chest.

“Yes. Wake up.”

Jim shook his head. “I don’t want to.”

“Why?”

“I want to talk to you. Did you take the Kobayashi Maru?”

“Yes, I reprogrammed the test to win.”

“Me too!”

“I know.”

“I want to stay. I want to talk to you. I want to be in a world where Vulcan hasn’t been destroyed and I’m bonded with Spock.”

“No, Jim,” Kirk insisted. “That is not your destiny.”

“Please? I don’t want to wake up.”

“You have to. They’re counting on you.”

“Who? Nobody counts on me.”

“They do, Jim. Your friends, your crew. They are your family. They need you.”

“No.” He felt tears prick his eyes.

“Spock needs you.”

“No.”

“Wake up, Jim. Please.”

Jim frowned. That didn’t sound like Kirk. That sounded like…

“Please, ashayam.”

He gasped awake, his eyes opening wide as air filled his lungs.

Spock hovered over him, his hands on Jim’s face. Instantly his brown eyes filled with relief. His hand cupped Jim’s face.

“Doctor?” Spock called. “Doctor? The captain is awake.”

“Spock?”

“Yes, Jim. You are safe. I am here.”

Bones suddenly appeared and pushed Spock away. Jim cried out at the loss. “Easy, easy, Jim.” He shined a light in Jim’s eyes and then started messing with other instruments on the biobed.

Jim frowned, said thickly, “Medbay?”

“Yeah.” Bones met his gaze. “You went into cardiac arrest twice. Then you’ve been in a coma for a week.”

“Captain Kirk.”

“Yeah,” Bones said with a small smile. “You’re Captain Kirk.”

Jim shook his head. “No. The other one. I saw him. Delta Vega.”

“You’re probably still out of it. But things look good. You’re gonna be okay, kid.” Bones squeezed his hand.

“Spock?”

Spock appeared in his vision again while Bones disappeared. “Here, Captain.” And then Spock grabbed Jim’s hand and ran two of his fingers along two of Jim’s.

“Hey, isn’t that—”

“A Vulcan kiss?” Spock nodded.

“Oh.” Jim’s eyes widened. “Oh.”

“I apologize if—”

“No.” Jim licked his dry lips. “Don’t. I don’t want you to apologize. I want…”

Spock’s eyes were shining. “T’hy’la. Rest now. I will be here when you wake.”

Jim smiled, closed his eyes. Maybe Jim was glad he woke up in his own universe after all.

****

Bones had released Jim to his quarters but Jim was restless. He paced his room, unable to stop thinking about seeing his counterpart on Delta Vega. It had seemed so real. Like he could touch the other Kirk and feel Kirk’s flesh beneath his fingers.

“Spock to Captain Kirk.”

With a frown, he hit the comm on his desk. “Kirk here.”

“Dr. McCoy has released you from the medbay?”

Jim smiled a little “He didn’t want to, but I insisted.”

“Is that wise?”

“I don’t know, Spock, but I hated being there. I can convalesce here in my quarters.”

“When my shift is over, I will come.”

“Good.” Spock had been by to see him every day. Their relationship had definitely changed. Jim just wasn’t sure what it entailed. So far they’d exchanged several Vulcan kisses, but it didn’t go beyond that and only when no one else was looking. “See you then. Kirk out.”

Jim sat behind his desk and stared at the terminal. Finally he hit his comm. “Kirk to Ensign Phillips.”

Phillips was a junior communications officer who often took over for Uhura when she was off duty. He didn’t feel like he could bother Uhura right now. He didn’t know exactly how she felt about the changed relationship between him and Spock. Whatever it was.

“Sir?”

“Can you open a channel to New Vulcan, please?” He gave the information to Phillips and waited. He got up for tea and then when he came back to his chair, he waited another five minutes.

Finally he appeared.

“Mr. Spock.”

“ _Captain_  Kirk.”

Jim smiled. “Now I am, yeah.”

Spock looked amused. “I did tell you.”

“You did. How are you, Spock?”

“I am old and worn out but otherwise I am acceptable,” the old Spock said. “You look remarkably well for someone who has died.”

“I could say the same to you.”

Spock tilted his head just as his own Spock often did. “How did you come by that information?”

Jim licked his lips and picked up his teacup. “Actually that’s what I wanted to speak about. I’m just out of the medbay—”

Spock nodded. “I am aware.”

“How’d you know?”

The old Vulcan hesitated. “I am not at liberty to say.”

“Is it because of the bond?”

“You know about the bond? You and Spock—”

“Not yet, no. I don’t think so anyway. We’re…I think we might be getting there.” Jim exhaled. “You were though with your Kirk. Does that somehow affect you and me?”

“To an extent, yes. I am aware when you have been harmed. I…feel pain.”

Jim’s breath caught in his throat. “When I died—”

“Yes,” Spock said softly. “I was gratified when your Dr. McCoy was able to restore you to life.”

“I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

“You could not have. I had vowed not to give you that information. The path for you and Spock must be one you achieve yourselves. But how did you come by the information about me and my captain?”

“He told me.”

“Spock?”

Jim shook his head. “No.”

“Who then?”

“Maybe I’m going crazy, but it was Kirk. Your Kirk.”

“My Kirk?” Spock asked sharply.

“Yeah. When I was in the coma, he…visited with me. We had this whole conversation, Spock, and he told me you were bonded. T’hy’la.” Jim sighed. “I know it’s hard to believe.”

“Jim, if you say it happened, I believe you.”

“You do?” Jim asked hopefully.

“Yes.”

“He-he misses you. I don’t know how it’s possible but I swear it was him. And he misses you.”

“And I…him. It has been many years since I have seen him.”

“I wish we could meld right now. Maybe you could see him somehow?” Jim shook his head. “I know that’s probably not possible and I don’t want to get your hopes up. I just…if I can arrange to get to New Vulcan, would you want to?”

Spock looked wistful. “You should check with your own Spock before you offer.”

Jim frowned. “It’s my choice not his.”

“He may not see it that way.”

“Well, too bad. Do you want to?”

“It may be nothing. I may not see anything.”

“I know.” Jim asked again, “Do you want to?”

He nodded.

“Then I will make it happen, Spock. I don’t know what it means, if it means anything, but I will make it happen. Whatever the outcome.”

“I am certain you will. Just do not allow it to harm your own relationship with Spock.”

“I won’t. I don’t want you to get your hopes up. I might be crazy.”

“I do not believe that.”

Jim nodded. "Neither do I. I’ll be in touch soon. Kirk out.”

He was still at his desk when his door chimed. “Enter.”

Spock walked in.  _His_  Spock.

Jim’s heart started pounding and he rose from behind his desk. “Hey.”

He held out his two fingers as he came around his desk and he expected Spock to do the same as he had done ever since Jim woke from his coma.

Instead, Spock grasped the back of Jim’s neck and brought their lips together for a human kiss. 

Jim moaned into the kiss, molding himself into Spock’s, locking his own arms around Spock’s waist as Spock’s tongue swept inside his mouth.

Okay, Vulcan kissing was nice. He didn’t want to say otherwise. But it had nothing on this, nothing on Spock’s tongue grazing over Jim’s teeth.

And damn his cock liked this kind of kissing too because it was at full attention in less than thirty seconds.

Spock stopped the kiss, leaning his forehead against Jim’s. He was panting heavily. “We cannot.”

“Why?”

“You were seriously injured and are only just out of medbay,” Spock said, his voice low. “We will wait.”

“I don’t wanna wait,” Jim protested, trying to ignore the whine in his own voice.

“We will wait.” His thumb brushed the bristle of Jim’s jaw. “We have waited this long, ashaya, we can wait a while longer.”

“Says you.”

Spock suddenly looked amused. “There is no need to pout, Jim. I assure you that I am as eager as you.”

“Apparently not.” He sighed. “Fine. We need to talk though.”

The amusement disappeared from Spock’s eyes and he released Jim to step back. “About?”

“A lot of things, really. I guess the first thing is, I am guessing you have…I mean, are you and Uhura—”

“Yes, of course, Jim. I ended my relationship with Nyota.”

He blew out a breath. “Is she…I mean she must be upset.”

“She was not pleased,” Spock acknowledged. “But she was not surprised given my emotional state while you were gone.”

Jim froze as he was just about to go the replicator.  He turned around and gaped at Spock. “Wait, what?”

The line between Spock’s brows furrowed. “You were abducted on the planet, Masq 5, Captain. You were missing from the Enterprise for twenty-eight days.”

“Twenty-eight? Twenty-eight days? Days?” Jim thought he might be sick. His heart started beating hard and fast. “Why? Why didn’t anyone tell me that? Why-why didn’t you?”

“I did assume you recalled the details of your captivity at first. Only later did I realize you perhaps did not.”

“No.” Jim shook his head frantically. “I don’t. I…Bones said I went into cardiac arrest twice?”

Spock winced. It was the only way to describe it. “Yes. After Lieutenant Giotto, Lieutenant Sulu, and myself rescued you from Masq 5. You had severe injuries. You had been tortured.”

Jim suddenly felt like he needed to sit down. “I don’t remember. I…I remember Delta Vega.”

“What does your time on Delta Vega have to do with now?”

“I was on Delta Vega again.” Jim shook his head. “With someone else.”

Spock knelt beside him and took his hands. “Who?”

“Captain Kirk.”

“Jim, that was only a dream.”

“I thought so. Maybe. He said so. But, Spock, I swear there was more to it than that. I could have touched him just like I’m touching you.”

“Dreams can feel like reality.”

“Not like this. Not this vivid. I could feel the cold. The feel of the material I wore on my skin. I can’t stop thinking about it.” Jim took a deep breath. “I’m going to New Vulcan.”

“For what purpose?”

“To see your counterpart.”

“What?”

“I contacted him, Spock. About seeing his captain.”

“Surely he told you it was just a dream. His captain died before he ever came to our timeline.”

“I know,” Jim said impatiently. “I know all that. I just…it was him. He told me things I wouldn’t have known.”

“You got them from your meld with my counterpart.”

“I don’t think so. But that’s why I’m going to New Vulcan. Spock…the other Spock…has agreed to meld with me again.”

“For what purpose?” Spock asked again, sharply.

“So he can see what I saw, so he can see his captain…I don’t _know_ , Spock. So he can help me. God, I’m missing twenty-eight days.”

Spock stared at him, his brown eyes turbulent. “I can meld with you.”

“I know that too. And we will. You can meld with me all you want. I just need to do this. I need to meld with him first.”

“I see.” Spock’s words were stiff, his voice distant.

Jim closed his eyes. “I can tell you don’t. I’m sorry, Spock. I’m not trying to make things difficult between us.”

“I know,” Spock said quietly. “Logically I should not feel jealousy over my counterpart.”

Jim opened his eyes. “But you do.”

“I do not like the idea of you having something so intimate with someone other than myself,” Spock admitted. “Given the new status of our relationship, it is…bothersome.”

“You’re the one I want, Spock. It’s always been you. I don’t know how you don’t know that. It’s so obvious to me.”

Spock wrapped his arms around Jim’s middle and held him. “If you feel that melding with my counterpart will help you understand your dreams, then so it will be. But I worry that you have forgotten twenty-eight days. They may have done something to your mind.”

“Yeah, me too. And I may have forgotten because I don’t want to know.”

"I would advise you to speak to Dr. McCoy as well."

"Bones will freak."

"I am aware. He cares about you, Jim. And he is your doctor."

“Yeah.” Jim leaned against Spock. “Thank you for rescuing me.”

“I could do nothing else. I had to have you back.”

“Thank you for that also. Will you stay with me? Tonight? I know we can’t do anything sexually. Which irritates me, by the way. But can you stay?”

“There is nowhere else I would rather be than with you. I will stay as I do not want to leave your side.”

****

“Okay, let me get this straight,” Bones said, standing in Jim’s quarters, glaring at him. Jim sat on the edge of the bed, dressed in a pair of sweat pants and a T-shirt. Spock stood very close to where he sat, hands clenched behind his back. “You don’t remember any of the twenty-eight days of your captivity?”

Jim glanced at Spock, then back to Bones. “That’s essentially correct.”

“Essentially correct? Spock’s been your—your whatever he is— for barely twenty-four hours and you’re already talking like him.”

“I don’t remember being taken prisoner, Bones, or any of the torture, I guess, that put me in the coma when Spock found me. But there are parts of those days I do remember.”

“Such as?”

Jim hesitated. How did he tell his best friend without Bones thinking he’d split a few branches from his tree? “I was on Delta Vega.”

“You were remembering your time on Delta Vega?” Bones asked, frowning.

“No. I was there again. With…with Kirk.”

“You’re Kirk,” Bones said gently as if Jim has gone demented.

“Not me. Him. The other one.”

“Jim—”

“I know what you’re gonna say, Bones. It’s what everyone says.” Except Spock. Older Spock. But maybe he wanted to believe it as much as Jim wanted it to be true. “It was him. I was there.” Jim frowned. “And there’s more.”

“More?”

He licked his lips. “There was a woman. Blonde. Really beautiful.”

Spock’s eyebrow rose.

Jim gave him a sheepish smile. “I’d never seen her before. I just have images of her, really. Nothing concrete. Just flashes.”

“All right, so I’ll give you that the girl could have been one of your captors, but Captain Kirk from the other timeline? Universe? Whatever. Sorry, Jim. But I have to go with hallucination.”

“Bones.” Jim closed his eyes and sighed. When he opened them he saw Spock gazing at him intently. “Spock?”

Spock inclined his head. “Doctor, I cannot agree. In my experience with the captain I have not known him to have hallucinations or give into histrionics. Furthermore, he has already managed to convince my counterpart there is some merit to what he says.”

“Oh, great, two Spocks against me now.”

“Bones, please.” Jim shook his head wearily. “I know it sounds crazy but the truth is you don’t know yourself what happened to me in those twenty-eight days. Nobody was there but me.”

Bones grimaced. “That’s true enough. But I still insist on a full psych exam. I should insist on it anyway given you just came back from being a prisoner.”

Jim nodded. “What were my injuries?”

This time Bones hesitated when he glanced at Spock. They exchanged looks.

“What? I wasn’t…raped, was I?”

“No, Jim. Dr. McCoy found no evidence of physical rape.” Spock sat next to him on the edge of the bed and stroked his fingers over the back of Jim’s hand.

He exhaled very slowly. “Meaning?”

“There was some indication that they may have probed your mind, Jim,” Bones said gently. “That’s one of the reasons I’m especially concerned with your memory loss and dreams.”

“Okay. And the physical injuries?”

“Broken ribs, a punctured lung, broken leg, broken and fixed and then re-broken it appears, three broken fingers on your left hand, bruising, lacerations, and you had an infection and fever.”

Jim winced. “Glad I was out for all that.”

Bones nodded. “Like I said, you went into cardiac arrest twice. Thought we were gonna lose you. The hobgoblin here was losing his shit.”

“Hardly,” Spock said primly.

Bones rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, Spock.”

“We’re going to New Vulcan,” Jim said. “I’m gonna clear it with the brass and then I’ll have a course set. I need to see the other Spock.”

“Fine, but I want you in the medbay for your psych exam and you’re off duty until we reach New Vulcan.” Bones glanced at Spock. “I know that means extra duty for you, Spock, but Jim needs time to recover.”

“You do not have to convince me, doctor, I am in full agreement.”

Bones stepped over to Jim and injected his neck with a hypospray.

“Fuck. You enjoy that far too much,” Jim grumbled.

“Eat something and get more rest.” Bones headed for the door of Jim’s quarters. “Medbay tomorrow, Jim.”

“Yeah, okay.” When Bones had left, Jim glanced at Spock. “I’m sorry.”

“For what are you expressing regret?” Spock entwined their fingers.

“Putting all this burden on you. First when I was held captive and now.”

“The only burden I felt was not knowing if you were safe, if I would ever have you back, if I would ever be able to tell you that you are everything to me.” Spock said softly.

Jim smiled, the tightness in his chest he hadn’t even really thought about loosening. “Yeah?”

“I regret waiting until you nearly died again to tell you of my affections. I suspected you returned them and yet I did not act. It was almost too late.”

Jim shook his head. “I didn’t tell you either. What’s important is that we know now. We won’t waste any more time.”

Spock nodded and squeezed Jim’s hand. “When we go to New Vulcan I would like to speak to my father and the members of the council about bonding us in the Vulcan way.”

He searched Spock’s gaze. “Are you certain? So soon?”

“It is not soon. We have known each other, you and I. In other universes also, is that not true?”

“Yes.” Jim smiled.

“You are my t’hy’la, the one meant for me. The beginnings of a bond are already in place between us. It is only formally bonding us that I speak of.” Spock hesitated. “Unless you have doubts?”

“None,” Jim assured him. “There is no one else I want to be with, Spock. But I’m an illogical human—”

Spock stopped Jim’s words with two fingers against his lips. “You are my illogical human.” He human kissed Jim softly and then stood. “I will secure you a meal and then I must report to the bridge.”

Jim smiled wistfully. “Yeah, okay. Wish you could stay with me.”

“That would be agreeable but not possible.” Spock’s dark eyes were warm with affection. “Now come to the desk so you can eat.”

Jim sighed. “Not hungry.”

“You will still eat.”

“Okay, okay. You are worse than Bones.”

“Do not think to insult me to get me to leave. I will see that you will eat first.”

Jim laughed and went to do as his first officer bid. 


	2. Am I Dreaming?

Jim followed the blonde woman named, Alia, as she led him through the ice cave. His hands were tied in front of him and a rope was around his neck.

He had a splitting headache and he was fairly certain he’d been hit in the head pretty hard.

“You aren’t going to get away with abducting a Starfleet Officer,” he told her.

“Won’t I?” Her voice was mocking. She was a beautiful woman, her long blond hair held back in a ponytail that began high on her head, and reached all the way down to her lower back. “I already have.”

“What?”

Alia laughed. “You aren’t the first one, Captain. I have others.”

He frowned. “You have other captives?”

“Yes and other Starfleet Officers. You aren’t so special. And I’m already getting away with it.”

“For what purpose?”

“Experiments.”

Jim stopped walking, unable to keep the horror from showing on his face. “Experiments?”

“Don’t be so shocked, Captain.” She turned to face him. “You’re incredibly naïve if you think your Federation doesn’t conduct experiments on live subjects. We aren’t doing anything worse than them.”

She turned to one of the men accompanying her. “Take the captain to the dream room.”

“The dream room?” Jim repeated.

One of the men approached him with an instrument and pressed it into Jim’s neck and darkness overcame him.

****

Jim started awake, sitting up straight in bed, his heart pounding hard and fast. A hand rested on his chest and for a moment he struggled against it.

“It is all right.”  

He let out a relieved breath. “Spock?”

“Yes, ashayam.” Spock kept his hand over Jim’s heart, but now it soothed him. “A nightmare?”

“Yeah. Or, I don’t know, a memory, maybe.” Jim bit his lip and looked away. “I don’t want it to be. But it must be, right?”

“What did you see?” Spock asked.

“The blonde woman. She was leading me as her captive on an ice planet.”

“Delta Vega?”

“I guess. My head was killing me, like I’d been hit.” He felt a spike of anger and he covered Spock’s hand with his. “That’s you I feel, your anger?”

“I do not like knowing you were being mistreated and I could do nothing,” Spock admitted.

“I’m okay.” Jim sighed. “She talked about experiments. I was being taken to the dream room.” A thought, a horrible one, suddenly occurred to him. His heart clenched in fear.

“Jim?”

“Are you…God, Spock, please, tell me you aren’t a dream. I swear I’ll—”

“No, Jim. I am here. I am real.”

Jim clung to Spock. “Really? I’ll die if I’m still on Delta Vega and you aren’t really here telling me you love me.”

“Hush, I am here, Jim. T’hy’la.” Spock leaned over Jim and kissed him. “You are safe. You are with me on the Enterprise. We will not be parted again.”

“Make love to me.”

“T’hy’la, you have been—”

“Spock, I need to know this is real. You and I. Please?” Jim hated to beg. Ordinarily he would never beg. Not for anyone. But this was Spock. And Spock was special. And if this was not real, but some crazed trick by his captors, he would crawl into a hole and never crawl out again.

Spock’s thumb brushed over Jim’s trembling lips. “If you are certain.”

“I am.”

“Once we have been together physically, intimately, it will be difficult to ever go back to the way it was before,” Spock said softy. “You will be my mate and when Pon Farr hits, you will be subjected to it.”

“Pon Farr?”

“Vulcans do not speak of it.”

Jim smiled a little. “How will I know what it is to be subjected to it then?”

Spock nodded. “It is a time of mating.”

“And?”

“It is an insanity which you will no doubt find distasteful.”

“Insane mating?” Jim laughed. “That doesn’t sound so bad to me.”

“Jim—”

“Spock, we want to be together, you and me, so let’s just be together and worry about all the particulars later. Please?”

Spock’s lips curved very slightly and he cupped Jim’s face in his hands. “I must confess I find your suggestion a pleasing one.”

“Thank fuck for that. There’s lube in my drawer.”

“You participate in coitus frequently?”

“I’m no angel, Spock.”

“I am aware of that. Angels are mythical creatures of a supernatural or spiritual nature found in several Earth religions.”

“Get the lube,” Jim said in his captain’s voice.

Spock lifted off the bed to search in Jim’s bedside drawer for the lube. When he returned, Spock set the lube on the bed, then reached for Jim’s boxer briefs to remove them.

Jim licked his lips as Spock then set about removing his own clothing. “God, you’re-you’re…so hot.”

“It is you who is aesthetically pleasing.” Spock left his clothes on the floor and then rejoined Jim on the bed.

Jim shook his head. “You really do love to argue with me, don’t you?”

“To refute that would be to further argue with you,” Spock said in a surprisingly playful manner.

He grinned. “Get your Vulcan ass over here and kiss me already. I’m dying.”

“If you—”

“Be quiet.” Jim grabbed the back of Spock’s head and kissed him. “You’re supposed to be reassuring me you’re real.”

Spock shook his head and then kissed Jim, his tongue pushing past Jim’s lips, and grazing over Jim’s teeth.

The door to his quarters beeped.

“Oh. My. God.”

“Computer, identify visitor,” Spock called out, his voice sounding harsh in the quiet of the room.

“Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Officer.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Jim grumbled. He pushed Spock down next to him and then pulled the covers up over both of them.

“Captain, perhaps it would be better to redress myself.”

“Hell, no, Mr. Spock. I just got you naked. Enter.”

Bones stepped inside holding several medical instruments but he stopped short at seeing Jim and Spock in bed.

“What in tarnation?”

Jim rolled his eyes. “You ever notice you get cornier when you’re outraged?”

“Jim, what do you think you’re doing?”

“If you can’t figure that out, Bones, I don’t know what to tell you.” Jim flashed him a grin. He was aware of Spock turning green beside him. He petted Spock’s hand. “I’m spending time with my new boyfriend. You’re the one who decided to come over unannounced.”

“Didn’t I tell you to take it easy?” Bones grumbled. He had not stepped any closer to the bed. Jim was pretty sure Spock was grateful for that.

“I’m not working or anything.” Jim gestured to the stuff in his friend’s hands. “Can’t that all wait?”

“Well, yeah. But I wanted to check to see how you were doing.” Bones snorted. “Apparently fine.”

“I will be as soon as Spock and I can get back to—”

“Don’t even mention that. Don’t imply it. Don’t give me details. Ever. Not even in teasing. Pretend I was never here.”

“That would be impossible, doctor,” Spock spoke up for the first time.

“Use your imagination, Spock.” Bones sighed. “I know, I know. Vulcans don’t have them. I’m outta here.”

The doors swished closed behind him.

“Computer lock doors,” Jim ordered. He smiled at Spock. “Where were we?”

“You do not think the mood has been ruined by the untimely appearance of Dr. McCoy?”

Jim slid his naked body across Spock’s. “It takes a hell of a lot to ruin the mood for me, babe. Bones is close, but not quite.”

Spock’s hands came up to Jim’s head and his fingers clasped in Jim’s hair. “I admit this is long overdue.”

“Yeah,” Jim agreed. “Like years.”

“Indeed.”

Spock’s lips crushed his and Jim moaned, his whole body thrumming with life. This is what he wanted, what he needed, had wanted and needed for so long. It could not be a dream. He would die.

“Ashayam, hush,” Spock whispered against his lips. “It is not.”

Jim heard the sound of lube squishing out of a bottle and he spread his legs, even as long, slender fingers pushed into him, sliding easily within.

He dug his fingers into Spock’s shoulders but Spock did not seem to mind as he ravaged Jim’s mouth, all the while working his digits inside Jim.

Jim whimpered. “Spock, please. Please.”

The fingers were gone and Spock hovered above him, lifting his legs, poising himself between Jim’s thighs as he tilted him back to angle him for the entry. When Spock’s cock finally pushed in, Jim felt the stretch, the burn, blissful in the invasion of himself.

Having Spock—Spock—inside him was like a hundred thousand wishes all in one. Jim exhaled, closed his eyes, and gave himself fully to his Vulcan.

****

“Have you been with many others?”

Spock’s soft question woke him from a half doze. Jim forced his eyes to open. He was snuggled against Spock, his own body hot and slick with sweat, though Spock’s was dry and cool.

“Lovers or men specifically?” Jim played with a sprig of hair on Spock’s chest.

“Lovers.”

“As I said, Spock, I am no angel. I’ve had a few, both women and men, but I think a lot of my reputation, if I have one, is exaggerated.”

“You have one.”

“You’ve seen my work ethic. Do you really think I have a lot of time to go fucking across the galaxy?”

Spock shook his head. “No. And what is past for either of us ultimately does not concern our present and future.”

Jim smiled. “Wise words.”

“This may be something of a surprise to you, Jim, but Vulcans can be very jealous and possessive of their mates.”

He chuckled. “No, Mr. Spock. That does not surprise me.” He moved his hand down to clasp Spock’s. “So you really want to formally bond?”

“Yes, if you are willing, as I said.”

“I am. It’s just…”

“What?”

“I’ve never done anything so long term, so important. It kind of scares me.”

“There is no need. We will learn together.”

Jim nodded. “Yeah. Space husbands forever, huh?”

Spock quirked a brow. “I would not have quite used those terms.”

He laughed. “I know. Totally illogical.”

“You should sleep now, Jim. We will be reaching New Vulcan soon. You should save your strength.”

“Yeah.” Jim nodded. Spock was now massaging his temples. “Night, Spock. Love you.”

“You are my heart.”

****

“Hey, Bones,” Jim said, as he entered the medbay. “I came for my checkup.”

Bones looked up from a chart. “Biobed to the right.”

Jim walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, swinging his legs like an impatient child as he waited for Bones. Five minutes later and Bones came over with several hyposprays and scanners.

“How do you feel, Jim?”

“I feel better.”

Bones smiled a little. “Congratulations by the way.”

“For?”

“You and the hobgoblin. I know how long you’ve pined over him.”

Jim felt himself turn red. “Well, maybe not pined.”

Bones snorted. “You pined. Anyway, I think it’s great. Even if I see nothing at all interesting about the hobgoblin.”

Jim smiled. “Thanks, Bones.”

Bones scanned him and watched him for a while. “So what is it?”

“What’s what?”

“You know what. You’re stewing about something. I know you, Jim. That mind of yours is focused on something. I can almost see the wheels turning.”

“Twenty-eight days, Bones. Gone.” Jim frowned. “What did they do to me?”

“I don’t know. There were definite signs of torture. Brain waves manipulation.”

“They caused me to forget do you think?”

“Maybe. Or the trauma was too much. Jim, there are all kinds of species out there we don’t know what they’re capable of. Telepathic ones exist, we know that. And not all of them come with friendly intentions.”

“Could I be imagining this? Could I still be with them and making this up in my head because I want it to be real?”

Bones studied him. “Is that what you think? You’re really worried.”

Jim sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Wouldn’t you be? I don’t know what’s real. I’m missing twenty-eight fucking days. Maybe I’m still there. I don’t want it to be. God, I think I’m going crazy, Bones.”

“I could pinch you,” Bones joked.

“Some bedside manner.”

“Jim,” Bones said, turning serious. “I don’t know what to say to convince you this is your reality. And the truth is, if you were dreaming, the Bones of your dream would still say the same shit I’m saying now, wouldn’t he?”

“Damn. You’re right.”

“So you gotta keep living your life like it’s your life, Jim, and worry about that other stuff if and when it comes up. You may never remember what happened to you exactly. And frankly, that might be a damn good thing. A damn good thing.”

Bones jabbed his neck with a hypospray.

“Well, I sure as fuck felt that,” Jim grumbled.

“So what’s the plan once we reach the Vulcan colony?”

Jim rubbed his neck. “Go see Spock. I mean the other Spock. Um, Selek, I think he’s calling himself. Which is fucking weird. I mean, he’s Spock. Yeah he’s not my Spock.” Jim stopped to smile over the idea of him having a Spock.

“Spare me the dreamy eyes, would ya?”

Jim cleared his throat. “The point is, a Spock’s a Spock by any other name. Something like that.”

“Focus, Jim. You’re getting off track.”

“Yeah, okay. Go see Selek, let him mind meld with me.” Jim winced.

“What was that for?”

“It’s not very pleasant…the meld. He did it on Delta Vega and Jesus, Bones, I almost lost it.”

“Maybe it’s not such a good idea then.”

“I have to. First, of all, I already said I would, and second of all, he’s counting on it, and third of all, the melding is all part of their stuff so someday, my Spock’s going to want to meld. He already does.”

“And then what? His Kirk magically appears, they reunite, and live happily ever after?”

“I doubt it’s that easy, Bones. And there’s something else.”

Bones snorted, and crossed his arms over his chest. “There always is.”

“This woman, Alia, she mentioned abducting others. Starfleet officers, probably other species. They do experiments. If there’s a way I can stop this, shut these atrocities down, Bones, I have to do it.”

“Yeah, you do. And I’ll help you, Jim. You know I will. I always have your back.”

Jim stood. “Because you’re the best.”

“Bridge to Captain Kirk.”

Jim went to the comm on the wall. “Yeah, Uhura?”

“We’re making orbit for New Vulcan now, Captain.”

“Great, thanks, Lieutenant. Have Spock meet me in the transporter room. Kirk out.”

He turned to say something to Bones but suddenly a searing pain burned in his temples. He clutched his head.

“Jim! Jim!”

He fell to the floor.


	3. Not Crazy

_“Where you came from... did I know my father?”_

_“Yes... you often spoke of him as being your inspiration for joining Starfleet. He proudly lived to see you become captain of the Enterprise.”_

_“Captain?”_

_“A ship we must return you to as soon as possible.”_

_“How is this possible? Aren’t you—?”_

_“Long dead?” Kirk smiled. “Yeah. Sort of. I’m from another time. Another universe.”_

“Jim.”

_“I don’t want to go back. I want to stay.”_

“Jim.”

_“It hurts. Stop. Please make it stop.”_

“You need to wake up. Wake up.”

Jim woke with a gasp, sitting up instantly, ramrod straight, with his lungs burning.

“Easy, easy, you’re all right.”

A hand on his chest pushed him back to lay flat on the bed. A bright line shone in his eyes. Jim batted it away.

“Leave me alone,” Jim pleaded.

“Doctor?”

“Jim, it’s us. You’re safe.”

Jim stared at the man, a man in blue with brown hair. “I don’t know you.”

The man glanced at someone Jim couldn’t see. “Do you know your name?”

Jim frowned. “James Tiberius Kirk.”

“And your rank?”

“Rank?”

“Do you know where you are?” the man asked.

“The hospital?”

“Close. You’re in the medbay on the starship, Enterprise.”

He shook his head. “Enterprise?”

The man glanced away again and suddenly another man stood before him. He had a strange bowl cut with bangs cut straight across his forehead and pointy ears. Not human, then.

“Captain—”

Jim laughed. “You must have me mixed up with someone else. Did I get in another bar fight? Am I under arrest or can I just leave?”

“Doctor?” the pointy eared one directed his question to the other man.

“Let me help you sit up,” the man said, helping Jim to rise. When Jim was sitting up, he said gently, “Look around. Doesn’t this look familiar?”

“No.”

“I’m Leonard McCoy.”

“Are you a doctor?”

“Yes. And this is Commander Spock, your first officer.”

“You guys are crazy. Can I just go?” Jim asked.

The one called Spock stepped closer. “Jim, we are more than captain and first officer.”

He eyed the pointy eared one. “Yeah? What are you, anyway?”

“A Vulcan.”

“I don’t know any Vulcans.”

“You do. We are engaged in a romantic relationship.”

Jim laughed. “Now I know you’re crazy. I don’t do relationships, pal, no matter how hot you are.”

“Doctor.”

“I know, Spock,” Dr. McCoy said. “Listen, Jim, I’m just going to give you this—”

Jim began to panic as a hypospray came toward him. “No, please. I don’t want to—”

****

“How long have you been here?” Jim asked Kirk as they sat in front of the blazing fire.

“A while. I’m not sure. It feels like a lifetime.”

“Have you been to other parts of Delta Vega?” Jim asked. He leaned forward to warm his hands.

“I don’t recall. I’m always here.”

“So you really are just a dream?”

Kirk shrugged. “I feel real. As real as when I was in my own universe.”

Jim bit his lip. “What’s the last thing you remember? From your time?”

“Being at home with Spock. We weren’t doing anything special. I was reading and he was going over research he had done on some planet’s indigenous species. It was…good. We were together and that was all that mattered. After all we’d been together.” Kirk shook his head. “And then…it was gone. Spock wasn’t there. And I was here.”

“Have you seen the lady?” Jim asked, anxiety twisting his gut.

“Lady?”

“The blonde girl. Alia.”

Kirk frowned. “I don’t know anyone named Alia.”

“I think I’m going crazy. I can’t believe I’m on this ice cube again. Where is Spock? Why am I here?” Jim rose from squatting beside the fire and began to pace. “Bones won’t let me die here.”

“Bones,” Kirk said softly. “I knew a Bones.”

“I know. It’s the same one. Or sort of. Don’t you remember? I’m you.”

Kirk suddenly looked angry. “You’re lying. You’re nothing like me.”

“I am,” Jim whispered. “I’m James Tiberius Kirk.”

“No, you aren’t. You don’t exist. You’re the illusion.”

“That can’t be true.”

“It is true.”

But Kirk’s voice had changed and was no longer what Jim expected to hear. It changed to Alia’s voice, taunting him.

He came awake with a start to Alia leaning over him, her long blonde hair draping over him. Wires were connected to his head from a machine.

“I see you’re awake again, Captain.”

“You fucking bitch.”

Alia laughed. “You’re the bitch. My bitch. I can make you think or feel anything. I control you, Captain. I can give you any memory, give you any reality I wish. And you won’t know if it’s the true reality or what I want you, my own little lab rat, to believe.”

“Why? Why are you doing this?”

She smiled. “Because I can. You are the great Captain Kirk. Or a version of him anyway. And I wanted you for my collection.”

Horror filled him. “Your collection?”

“Yes. I collect those that fascinate me.” Her long thin fingers went to his face and she spread them out. “Sleep. And dream.”

****

“Captain? Captain, are you well?”

Jim blinked. He was sitting in his captain’s chair on the bridge and Spock was standing next to him looking down at him, his dark eyes clearly concerned.

“Uh.”

“Captain?”

“Sorry, Spock.” He rubbed his eyes. “What?”

“I have been calling you for several minutes.”

Jim glanced around and saw that others on the bridge were watching him with undisguised concern.

 _Fuck_.

Where was he? Was this reality? God, he was so confused.

“I am a little unwell,” Jim told Spock.

“Perhaps a trip to the medbay would be in order, Captain?”

Jim nodded at Spock. Was this his Spock? Rather, was this Spock his? Or was he with Uhura still? He looked toward Uhura but her concerned expression gave nothing at all away.

He stood, feeling a little unsteady on his feet. Spock placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Do you need assistance, Captain?”

“No.” Jim shook his head. “I’ll be all right. I’ll be in the medbay.”

He walked up to the turbolift and got in without looking back. It was so fucking difficult to tell with Spock, since the Vulcan was hardly warm and fuzzy most days. Spock had seemed concerned but he wasn’t sure if it was a first officer’s concern, a friend’s concern, or a lover’s concern.

The turbolift opened and he walked down the hall to the medbay.

Bones looked up from a chart. “Here for your checkup, huh? Biobed to the right.”

Jim turned toward the biobed and then stopped, shook his head, and stared at it.

“What are you waiting for, Jim? Sit down.”

“Bones, you already gave me my checkup.”

“When?” Bones walked over to him and frowned.

“Earlier today. We had a whole conversation and then…I felt dizzy and I think I blacked out.”

“Jim, you’d better sit down. I’ll be right back.”

Jim sighed and took a seat on the edge of the biobed. Bones reappeared with a scanner and several hypos a few minutes later.

“Bones?”

“Yeah?”

“Have we reached New Vulcan?”

Bones looked up from his scanner. “New Vulcan?”

Jim’s stomach flipped. “Was I missing for twenty-eight days?”

“I’d better get Spock.”

Jim grabbed Bones’ arm. “Don’t fuck around with me, doc. What the hell is going on? Was I abducted from Masq 5 or not?”

“Calm down, Jim,” Bones said in a soothing voice. “Yes, you were.”

Jim blew out a slow breath. “So I was missing for twenty-right days?”

“Yeah. Scared the shit out of me. Took years off my life. All this gray hair, you are responsible for.”

“And…and Spock?”

“What about him?”

“Is he? Are we?” Jim struggled to breathe and quell the nausea he felt. “Is Spock with Uhura?”

“No, Jim. To my knowledge he’s with you.” Bones started scanning Jim again. “Are you having memory issues?”

“I don’t know. Or dreams. I swear you examined me already, Bones. And then…I don’t know. I…I think I forgot you. It’s there in the back of my head. And Kirk.”

“The other Captain Kirk?’

Jim nodded. “I saw him again. Weren’t we going to New Vulcan?”

“We have already been to New Vulcan, Jim,” Spock’s voice came from directly behind him.

Jim jerked around to see Spock standing there on the other side of the biobed. “What?”

“You visited with my counterpart one week ago,” Spock said softly.

He shook his head. “That’s not possible.” He looked at Bones.

“It’s true, Jim. We have been to New Vulcan and are now on our way to our next mission,” Bones told him.

His chest felt tight and he was on the verge of panicking. His heart raced. “There’s no fucking way.”

“Jim, your vitals are way off,” Bones said with a frown. “You need to calm down.”

“I don’t want to fucking calm down. Stop telling me that.”  

“Jim.” Spock came very close and put his fingers on Jim’s, stroking them like a Vulcan kiss. “There is no reason for agitation. It is likely you are still being affected by the mind manipulation you suffered during your abduction.”

Was he? He felt like he was going mad.  

Jim closed his eyes briefly, frustrated beyond belief. “Did he meld with me then?”

“Yes.”

Jim opened his eyes and looked at Spock.  His stomach churned. “And?”

Spock hesitated and exchanged a look with Bones.

“What? Fucking spit it out.”

“He found no evidence of your having any contact with his Captain Kirk,” Spock replied.

“What? That’s not possible.” Jim didn’t want to believe that. He would stake his life on it being true.

“It is if his appearance was merely in dreams brought about by the forced manipulation of your mind. Your brain activity since returning to the Enterprise has been erratic.”

“I’m not crazy,” Jim insisted.

“Jim, no one is saying you’re crazy,” Bones said. He’d softened his tone, spoke too gently.

“Don’t fucking patronize me, Bones. I know what I saw. And none of this—” –Jim waved his hand impatiently at Bones and Spock— “is real. This is a fucking lie. I haven’t been to New Vulcan yet and I haven’t seen the other Spock. It’s total bullshit.”

They were trying to make him think he was crazy. Why would Spock and Bones want that? Jim didn’t know. But there was no other explanation. He knew what he saw.

“All right, Jim,” Bones said, in that soothing irritating doctor’s voice. He gently pushed Jim down on the biobed. “I’m just going to—”

Jim saw the hypospray in his hand. “No! Please. Don’t hurt me. Not that. I can’t take more. _Please_.”

And Bones jabbed his neck.


	4. Mind Tricks

Jim woke up in a massive four-poster bed. For several moments he stared at the ornate ceiling above just trying to orient himself. He didn’t recall ever seeing this place, this bed before.

“Oh, good. You’re awake. I was about to wake you. You need to get ready.”

Bones’ voice. At least something was normal. He struggled to sit up in the way too comfortable bed. The room, painted in blues and purples, was unfamiliar to him. He’d never seen anything so elaborate on the Enterprise.

“Bones?”

Bones smiled. “How are you feeling, Jim?”

“A little strange. Where am I?”

“Where are you? No time for jokes, Jim. Get up. The ceremony is only an hour away.”

“Ceremony?”

“Your wedding,” Bones said patiently. “I’ve got your clothing ready.”

“Wedding?” Jim frowned, shaking his head. He got up from the bed and noticed very ornate robes of green and gold hanging from a rack near the bed. “To Spock?”

Bones blinked at him. “Who?”

“I’m not marrying Spock?” Jim asked, feeling a very definite sense of unease invade him. This was wrong. Wasn’t it?

“I don’t have a clue who Spock is.” Bones shook his head. “You need to get in the shower.”

“Who am I marrying?”

“Alia, of course.”

“Wait, what? Alia?”

“Yes. And I’ve seen her already this morning and she looks absolutely beautiful. You’re a lucky man, Jim.”

“No, no. Bones, no.”

“I know you’re probably getting cold feet, Jim. Happens to all of us. But you’ll be fine.”

Jim grabbed Bones’ arms. “We’re in Starfleet, right?”

“Starfleet?” Bones’ eyebrows shot up. “No. You’re an ambassador from Masq 5 and you’re marrying Alia of the planet, Nordon.”

“Nordon?”

“Yeah. You’re starting to worry me, Jim.”

“I’m from Earth, right? I’m human.”

Bones snorted. “No. You’re from Masq 5 and you’re Masquerian. Did you have too much to drink last night?” He grabbed Jim and pushed him toward a room on the side. “Into the shower with you. You’ll feel more like yourself once you’ve had that.”

Masquerian? Was there such a thing?

Bones removed Jim’s clothes and shoved him into the shower he had started. “I’ll be getting your robes ready.”

Bones left the bathroom.

Jim stood under the spray of the water, his brain hurting from thinking. This was not right. It sounded so wrong. Where was Spock? Wasn’t he in Starfleet? He’d remember if he was from Masq 5, wouldn’t he?

He finished his shower, his head now pounding harder than his heart. He allowed Bones to put the robes on, but he couldn’t shake the wrong feel or that he was somehow trapped here. He tried to fight it but it was as though he couldn’t. Something was holding him down.

“There, you look great. Alia will be very pleased with her groom,” Bones declared.

But as Jim stared at him, Bones changed, he didn’t look like Bones at all, but was a much larger, more muscular man with an earring.

“Who are you?” Jim demanded.

“What? I’m Bones.”

“No, no, you aren’t. What the hell is going on here? I want Bones. I want Spock. What the fuck are you doing to me?”

“Now, now, Jim, calm down,” the false Bones said in a soothing tone. “You just have wedding jitters. Alia is waiting.”

“No.” Jim shook his head frantically. “I won’t marry her.”

“You will. Come.”

The man pulled Jim from the room and Jim tried to fight it, tried to struggle, but his limbs felt impossibly heavy and awkward. He was placed in front of a man with an elaborate headdress who stared rather balefully at him and the false Bones held him in place.

Alia suddenly appeared beside him wearing an elaborate gown made of gold and silver, her blonde hair adorned with little white flowers. She smiled at him.

“Jim, at last we will be wed, my darling,” she said, reaching for his hand.

“No, no, no. Never.”

****

He woke to find the muscular man with the earring hovering above him. He was on some sort of gurney and wires went from his head to a machine nearby.

The man smiled wolfishly. “Hello, Captain.”

“What do you want from me?”

“You are part of the collection. The experiments. I must admit I am impressed with your ability to fight the Dream Creator.”

“Dream Creator?”

The man looked toward the machine. “Alia’s creation. It’s very effective for the beginning stages. Most of the collection fall to it easily. And you will eventually also. Then you will be moved to the next phase.”

“I’m going to rip you apart when I get out of here,” Jim vowed.

The man smirked. “Really? And how do you think you'll get away, Captain?”

“My ship will come for me.”

“Your ship is gone. There is no one coming for you.”

“Gone?” Jim tried not to feel panic, tried not to believe him.

“Yes. They’ve left this sector, per the orders of your Federation. You’ve been officially listed as missing in action. No one is coming for you,” he repeated. He turned to the machine. “And now, it’s time to turn it up.”

****

“Is he awake, doctor?”

“He’s coming around now.”

A hand brushed his forehead, gentle fingers stroked across to his temples. Jim’s eyes fluttered open.

Bones and Spock were leaning over him.

“Welcome to consciousness, Jim,” Bones said with a small smile.

Jim blinked several times. “Bones?”

“Who else?”

And it was Bones. The real Bones. But that was all he knew.

“Spock,” he said softly, reaching out toward Spock’s hand. To his relief Spock allowed the contact and grasped Jim’s hand. “What happened?”

“You collapsed as you were leaving the medbay,” Bones said, helping him to sit up. He’d been laying on a biobed.

“Why was I here?” he asked cautiously.

“So I could check up on you after your recovery.”

“My recovery from being abducted for twenty-eight days, right?”

Bones frowned. “Right.”

“Are you experiencing memory lapses, Jim?” Spock asked.

“Have we been to New Vulcan yet?”

Spock and Bones exchanged a look.

“Negative. We are in orbit. We had planned to go down prior to your collapse, Jim.”

Jim slowly exhaled. Was this reality? God, he hoped so.

“Jim—”

“I’m all right, Bones. Or I think I am. I had all these dreams or memories or visions, whatever they were.” Jim rubbed his head. “It’s really fucking with me.”

“Perhaps a visit to my counterpart is unwise at present,” Spock said. He was still clutching Jim’s hand.

“Maybe he can help. I don’t know. God it was…I can’t go on like this much longer. I don’t know what’s real and what they want me to see.”

“They?” Bones asked.

“Alia and her minions. Why am I still having all these dreams?” Jim pulled Spock closer. “I don’t even know if you’re real, Spock, or something she wants me to see.”

Spock looked at Bones. “Can you give us a moment, doctor?”

Bones looked reluctant but eventually he nodded. “Just a moment. I want to do a brain scan before he goes anywhere.”

When Bones left, Spock put his hand to Jim’s face.

“What are you doing?” Jim asked.

“T’hy’la, you must trust me. I am going to do a surface meld. Not a full mind meld since I am aware you wish to share that with my counterpart.”

“I don’t. I mean, yeah, I do. But it’s not because I’d rather share it with him or anything.” Jim tried a smile. “It’s you I want to be with.”

“I am gratified. I understand your reasoning. However, I cannot watch you suffer without attempting to assist you, therefore the surface meld is my compromise.”

Jim swallowed. “All right. What’s it supposed to do?”

“It is an attempt to show you I am real and not a manipulation of your mind. If you experience other versions of me and they do not know of this meld we are to share you will know they are not real and an illusion of Alia.”

Jim nodded. “You think that will work?”

“It should.” Spock eyed him. “What is your concern?”

“If this is reality, Spock, then there has to be a reason I collapsed earlier and went back into the dream world. What if Alia has some ability to control me even now?“

“I do not know. When we rescued you, you were the only prisoner found, and among those of your captors killed during your rescue there was no woman.” Spock shook his head. “You will tell me something only I can know. It will be in my head and not yours.”

“Won’t I know what I told you?”

“I will have you forget.”

“Forget?”

“It will be all right, Jim. If it becomes necessary, I will restore the memory so you will trust it. It is just for the purpose of easing your mind about the reality you are in. You must trust me.” Spock leaned his forehead against Jim’s and Jim closed his eyes. “Will you?”

Jim stared at Spock, this Spock, for several heartbeats. He could be telling Jim whatever he thought Jim wanted to hear. But the truth was, Jim needed to trust someone, something, or go mad. “Yes.”

Spock’s fingers spread to his psi-points. Jim felt Spock in his mind but he was barely there, just a soft presence, comforting warmth in the back of his mind. He felt relaxed, loved. And then Spock’s fingers slipped from his face and it was over.

Jim whimpered.

“Ashayam.”

“That was…over too fast,” Jim protested. “It was amazing.”

Spock kissed his forehead. “We will share much of that in the future and more, I promise.”

Jim’s breath hitched as he pulled Spock close and wrapped his arms around the Vulcan’s waist. “I’m scared, Spock.”

“I will let no harm come to you.”

He almost said Spock already had, since he’d been abducted and held twenty-eight days, but he knew that was not fair.

“All right, you two lovebirds, let me do the scan,” Bones said, returning to the biobed. “I want to do this before you go to New Vulcan, Jim. I’ve been doing scans since you were rescued and something’s definitely going on.”

Jim bit his lip. “I should be worried, huh?”

Bones sighed. “We all should. Lay down, Jim.”    


	5. New Vulcan

Spock and Dr. McCoy flanked Jim as they stood on the transporter to beam down to New Vulcan. Jim did not look well. He was pale and his eyes were haunted. He was keeping up a brave front but Spock was not fooled.

“Energize,” Jim said.

Dr. McCoy had declared he found a foreign substance in Jim’s brain. He did not know what yet and would need to do more scans. Jim had insisted they would have to wait as he was anxious to see Spock’s counterpart.

The doctor was concerned and hiding it, therefore, Spock’s anxiety had increased. They had agreed to stick very close to Jim’s side while on the surface of New Vulcan.

As soon as they reappeared on New Vulcan, Spock saw his father and his counterpart waiting for them. Before Jim moved forward, he glanced to Spock, who gave him a reassuring squeeze on his arm. Jim slowly exhaled.

“I am right here, ashayam,” Spock told him low enough for only Jim to hear.

He watched as Jim swallowed and nodded. “Let’s do this.”

Jim greeted Spock’s father politely, holding his hand up in a perfect ta’al. Spock had made his father aware of his changed status with Jim, but until they were officially bonded, Spock suspected Sarek would remain reserved around Jim. Of course, Sarek was always reserved, so there would only be a subtle difference.

As soon as Jim turned to Spock’s counterpart though—now calling himself Selek to avoid confusion amongst their people—Jim’s face lit up. And actually so did Selek’s. It was as though years dropped from the Elder Spock as he freely accepted Jim’s enthusiastic embrace.

“Jim,” Selek said softly, his arms wrapped tight around Spock’s t’hy’la.

“It’s so good to see you.”

They continued to embrace and Spock found himself becoming more agitated. It was completely illogical. He knew very well that Jim wished to be with him. Jim had said so himself and there was absolutely no reason to believe otherwise. Spock could hardly blame Selek for wishing to bask in all that was Jim. Yet, Spock had an urge to remind the older version of himself that this Jim belonged to him.

Sarek cleared his throat which had Selek at last releasing Jim from his grasp.

Jim smiled, though Spock could definitely tell it was strained. “Thank you both for meeting us.”

“It is a pleasure,” Selek assured him. “If you will come this way there is transport to my home where we will all meet.”

“Now, hang on,” Dr. McCoy said, coming forward to grab Jim’s arm before Selek could abscond with him. “Bunch of grabby hobgoblins,” McCoy muttered as he jabbed Jim’s neck with a hypospray. “For breathing.”

“Thanks.”

McCoy eyed Selek. “There are conditions for all this.”

Selek straightened and stared back at McCoy. “Of course.”

“Spock is to be with Jim. And so am I. I have to monitor that nothing is harming him or his mind.”

“I understand, doctor,” Selek assured him. “Jim is aware he is the last human I would harm, however, I understand the implications of the mind meld given what Jim has experienced.”

“Yeah, well…good. And if I think anything should be stopped for Jim’s welfare, you stop immediately.”

“Bones, it’s fine.”

“I’m your doctor, Jim, and I’ll say what’s fine,” Dr. McCoy said bluntly.

“I am certain we all understand and agree, doctor,” Sarek spoke up. “Shall we?”

Spock stepped forward to take care of Jim, if needed, but his captain seemed to shrug off the assistance of everyone present and walked toward the transport on his own.

The short trip to Selek’s home was over quickly and they exited and walked only a block to the home. Spock kept his attention on Jim but he seemed to be walking easily without any apparent breathing difficulties or other distress, though his mouth was a little pinched.

“You are all right?” Spock asked him quietly.

Jim glanced his way and then to his front again. “I’m fine, Spock.”

“I do not wish to make you uncomfortable with my attentions, however, I am concerned.”

The captain smiled a little then. “I know. If there’s anything, I will tell you, all right?”

Spock nodded. “Very well.”

Selek’s home was quite small, containing only a kitchen-dining room area, a sitting room, one bedroom, and a bathroom. Spock imagined the old Vulcan did not require much space for his simple living.

There were no personal touches to the home that Spock could see, though, he did notice Selek himself wore a locket of some sort beneath his brown Vulcan robes.

“Where’s the best place to do this?” Jim asked, immediately, all business.

“Perhaps you would like refreshments first?” Selek suggested.

Jim shook his head. “I’d rather get straight to it. Maybe after?”

Selek nodded. “As you wish, Jim. You might be more comfortable lying on the bed during the meld.”

Spock sensed Jim’s underlying panic immediately and he moved closer.

“It won’t put me to sleep, will it? I don’t want to be asleep,” Jim said. Spock heard the anxiety in his voice. He stroked his fingers along Jim’s hand, projecting calm.

Selek exchanged a quick look with Spock. “It should not.”

“I will be with you, ashaya, and Dr. McCoy also.”

Jim nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”

Selek led them into the bedroom and they made Jim comfortable on the bed. When Selek looked down at Jim, he frowned slightly.

“What is your concern?”

“I’m afraid of disappointing you,” Jim admitted.

“Disappointing me?”

Jim sat up a little, his gaze met Spock’s across the room, and then returned to Selek’s. “What if I imagined all this? What if this was all what they wanted me to see? What…she wanted me to see?”

“That is what we are here to determine, Jim.”

“I know. But, don’t you want it to be real? That your Jim is here and alive somewhere.”

Selek gently touched Jim’s face. “My main concern is your mental health.”

“But—”

“Do I wish for my captain to be with me and alive once more? Certainly. But I have long resigned myself to being without my bondmate for the rest of my life, Jim. The knowledge that he is no longer with me is something I have already accepted. _You_ are here, for a certainty, and therefore my concern lies with you.”

Though Spock could not help but feel a spark of jealousy, he was also grateful for his counterpart’s wisdom. Jim should be a priority.

“If you are ready, Jim, I will begin the meld,” Selek said softly, even as Dr. McCoy stepped closer.

“I’m ready.”

Selek’s fingers spread over Jim’s psi-points and Spock clenched his fists. Melds were a necessity sometimes and not entirely reserved for mates, he reminded himself.

“My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts.”

Jim moaned and Spock took a step toward the bed. His father stayed him with a hand on Spock’s arm.

“Do not interfere unless it becomes necessary, Spock.”

Jim had become quiet by then and Spock was forced to watch as Selek entered Jim’s mind, for the second time.

It was but a few moments later that Selek’s hand slipped from Jim’s face. Spock stepped forward and saw that Jim’s eyes were closed.

“Do not fear. Jim is fine for the moment and will not dream. We will wake him after we have had a chance to talk.”

Spock did not want to leave Jim alone but he was given little choice as Selek moved them all to the living room.

“I believe that Jim’s recollections are real,” Selek spoke immediately.

“Then he did see your Captain Kirk?” Spock asked.

“I believe so, yes. I believe that my captain is also being held by the woman Alia as part of her collection.”

“You believe?” Dr. McCoy repeated. “So you don’t know for sure?”

“There was no element of falseness to what Jim recalls and I saw Captain Kirk myself in his memories. Details that I do not believe Jim would know without actually encountering him.”

“Very well,” Spock said. “Why not just tell Jim? Why did you separate us?”

“Jim is in great distress and danger,” Selek said seriously. “There is an implant—a miniscule one—in his brain.”

“The foreign substance I detected,” Dr. McCoy said.

“Yes. It needs to be removed and as soon as possible as it is moving and affecting his brain. Eventually it will either drive him completely insane or cause an aneurysm where he will likely die.  But it will be very delicate surgery to remove it.”

Dr. McCoy frowned. “I don’t have that kind of skill. One small mistake and Jim could die.”

Selek nodded. “Yes.”

Spock blinked and swallowed heavily. “We must tell him.”


	6. Knowing

Spock found his captain sitting alone on the edge of the bed in Selek’s barely lit room, staring out the window. Spock felt a tightness in his throat.

“Dr. McCoy told you?” Spock asked as he slowly approached Jim.

“Yes.” Jim’s voice was a whisper, raw and pained.

Spock almost said that Jim was distressed but it would come out sounding almost flippant because, yes, Jim was distressed. Very much so. And Spock felt an answering ache. Spock sat beside him as close as he was able.

“We will fix this,” Spock vowed.

“Maybe.”

“We will. Someone will be able to remove it.”

Jim glanced briefly at Spock and then back out the window. “How long will that take?”

“I do not know.”

“Nobody does. And then…until then…I could just I don’t know, flip a switch, and go into her little dream world, couldn’t I?”

Spock would not lie to Jim. “Yes, that is possible.”

“Maybe I’ll never come back out of it.”

“That will not happen.”

Jim’s eyes closed. A tear spilled onto his cheek. “You can’t know that for sure, Spock. You don’t know that. I could-I could live the rest of my life like that, being driven insane. Bones told me.”

“It would perhaps have been better if I gave you the news.”

“I want to know the truth. Of everything I face. Basically I’m at the mercy of some alien woman we can’t even find to stop. Isn’t that it?”

“I will find her,” Spock promised. “Whatever it takes. And she will be brought to justice for her crimes.”

“And all those-those she collects…we have to rescue them, Spock. Not just the other Kirk, but all of them.”

“Yes.” Spock turned Jim’s face toward him and touched his thumb to Jim’s face. “Do not cry, ashaya. I will make this right.”

Jim’s lashes lifted, revealing the wet blue eyes within. “I’m just so tired of this, Spock. There’s always something. I can’t handle all this. Not now.”

Spock’s hands framed his face. “We will face it together. You will not be alone.”

“I’m always alone.”

“Not anymore. I will always be here. And Dr. McCoy. He will not leave your side.”

“Spock,” Jim whispered.

“Yes, Jim?”

“If I…if I go into the dream world and it seems like I won’t come out—”

Spock sucked in a breath. “You cannot ask me that.”

“I am asking,” Jim said softly. “I don’t want to live like that. Please, Spock, if it comes to that—”

“It will not.”

“If it does.”

Spock swallowed. Stared into Jim’s eyes for several quiet moments. Finally he nodded. But he could not say the words. His nod would have to be enough.

Jim sighed. “Thank you.”

“I will do everything I can to make you safe. Dr. McCoy, too.”

“I know you will.” Jim smiled a little and Spock dropped his hands from his face but only to put his arms around Jim and pull him close. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Will what’s happening with my mind affect yours because of the t’hy’la bond?”

“I am uncertain,” Spock admitted. “I do not believe it has so far though when you are distressed I am in turn distressed.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Do not be. I am pleased to be your mate.”

Jim smiled wryly. “From choking me to being pleased to be mated to me. That’s a switch.”

“Jim.”

“I know. I like to fluster you.”

Spock nodded. “You do, indeed.”

“Spock.”

“Yes, ashaya?”

Jim swallowed heavily, his Adam’s apple sliding up and down his throat. “It would have been better if you’d left me dead.”

Spock stomach clenched. “I do not agree.”

“It would have. Then-then this wouldn’t be happening. If you and Bones just left me dead like I should have been.”

Spock fought for control, feeling himself tremble. “It was, indeed, selfish of us to want you to be with us. I acknowledge that. But given what you are to me, what you mean to me, I cannot regret that. I would not have wanted this to happen to you.”

“I know that, Spock.”

“And you will get through this,” Spock insisted again.

“I hope so. But did you ever think…maybe I was meant to—”

“No.”

Jim laughed without humor. “You sound so sure.”

“Because I am.”

His captain wiped at his eyes. “You’re right about something.”

“What, t’hy’la?”

“I wouldn’t get through this without you. Without Bones.”

“I disagree with that as well.”

“Oh?” Jim blinked.

“You are strong, you are brave, and can withstand and survive much. We help you. We support you. We always will. Always. But it is you. It is all you, Jim.”

Jim’s breath hitched as he buried his face in Spock’s neck. “Thank you.”

“Thanks are not necessary.” He tightened his hold on Jim.

“They are to me,” Jim whispered.

“Come, Selek is preparing us a meal.”

“I’m not very hungry.”

“You must eat something to keep up your strength. Now it is even more important.” Spock stood and pulled Jim up with him. He kissed his forehead.

Jim nodded. “Okay. Let’s go.”


	7. On the Edge of Insanity

It felt awkward to face them all now, with them knowing he had essentially a switch in his brain that could be flipped at any time. Jim could see the sympathy and wariness in their eyes, though he knew they were trying to hide it.

Though Spock had said he was glad Jim had survived death, Jim was still not certain this fate was better. He felt constantly on edge, anxious he would zone out at any time.

“Hey, Jim,” Bones greeted him from where he stood next to Sarek. He had that gentle, kind look he got when he seemed to know Jim was particularly injured or fragile. Normally Jim didn’t mind but at the moment it set his teeth on edge. “We’ve made tea. Want some?”

He clenched his fists, it was either that or scream. “Uh, sure.”

Jim took the mug Bones handed to him and wrapped his fingers around it like it could save him or something.

“Jim,” Selek spoke up.

Jim looked at him.

“When I melded with you earlier and discovered the implant in your brain, I built shields up around it,” Selek explained.

“Shields? What does that mean exactly?”

“Mental shields. While they are not as strong as I would have liked, I believe they will offer some protection should Alia attempt to invade your thoughts and bring you into her dream world.”

For the first time since Bones had told him about the implant, Jim felt a tiny bit of hope. “Yeah?”

“Indeed,” Selek replied. “I also believe Spock can help strengthen them further by melding with you. And I recommend you see a Vulcan healer.”

“Okay. All that’s good and everything. But when can I get this thing out of my head?” Jim looked to Bones.

“I don’t know yet, Jim.”

“You don’t know? Well, that’s not good enough, doctor. What the fuck good are you?”

Bones grimaced but didn’t respond.

“Jim,” Spock said softly from beside him.

His throat felt raw, his chest tight. “I’m sorry. I just—”

“No.” Bones shook his head. “You don’t need to say you’re sorry, Jim. I know how you feel. I wish I could tell you right now we’d take it out. But I don’t want to mess with your head without knowing what I’m doing.”

Jim nodded, and turned away. He was in danger of losing it in front of three logical Vulcans who were no doubt judging him for his vast emotions. The last thing he needed to do was lose it in front of them.

“I need some air,” he announced. “I’ll be right back.” He opened the front door and went out into the hot mess that was New Vulcan.

He found a bench and sat down. He was not at all surprised when Bones came outside a few minutes later.

“Were you elected to deal with the illogical human?” Jim asked with some amusement.

“To be fair, they all wanted to come out here,” Bones said. “Especially Spock. He’s worried about you.”

Jim sighed. “I know. I’m not trying to make him worry.”

“Yeah, but you’re going to have to deal with him, Jim. He’s your…well whatever you two are now.”

“I think he considers me his mate.”

“Sounds primitive.”

Jim smiled a little. “Yeah.”

“You doing okay?” Bones rested his hand on Jim’s knee.

He shook his head. “No. I’m falling apart, Bones.”

“It’s going to be okay.”

“Is it? I’m supposed to be the captain of that ship up there and I can’t be. Not like this. I could be in the middle of a battle or a landing party and that bitch could bring me into her little manipulation and it’s over.”

“I don’t think that’s going to happen, Jim.”

“But are you sure? Because even a slight chance? The Enterprise can’t take that chance.”

“Jim—”

Tears pricked his eyes. “I’m not strong enough for this, Bones. I’m not.”

“You’re the strongest man I’ve ever known, Jim. You came back from death itself.”

Jim wiped at his eyes. “That was you, not me.”

“Some of it was,” Bones acknowledged. “But most of it was you. Your will to live, to survive. To beat all the odds.”

“I don’t believe in no-win scenarios.”

“Exactly.”

“And I don’t like to lose.”

Bones smiled. “And you won’t lose this time, Jim. I won’t let you.”

“Sounds like you don’t like to lose either.”

Bones bumped Jim’s shoulder with his own. “Figured that out, did you?”

“I’m a little slow,” Jim admitted.

“You’ll get through this, Jim. We all will. That bitch won’t win. I promise you.”

He nodded, his throat clogged with emotion again.

“What do you need, Jim?”

“Everything. But right now? Could I get a hug?”

“Always.” Bones put his arms around him and held him close.

Jim heard the door open again and he knew without turning around who had come outside. He was kind of surprised it took him that long. Bones squeezed him one last time and then released him and stood. He squeezed Jim’s shoulder.

“I’ll be inside,” Bones told him.

The spot on the bench where Bones had been was taken over by Spock.

“Hey.”

“T’hy’la.”

Jim closed his eyes. “Are you sure that’s what you want me to be?”

A hand cupped his cheek. “I am quite certain.”

He leaned against Spock. “I’m sorry.”

“Why do you apologize?”

“For my outburst in there. For being surly. For everything, I guess. Mostly for letting this happen to me.”

“You are not responsible for your abduction. It was in the line of duty while you were attempting to rescue members of your crew. Had you not interfered their fate would have been dire.”

“I don’t really remember,” Jim admitted.

“Likely the trauma caused to you. The only one responsible for your current state is Alia and we will deal with her and bring her to justice.”

“Okay.”

“I would like to see the high priestess when you are ready,” Spock said quietly.

“About the implant?”

“She will likely examine you for that as well, but no. It is my intent to formalize our bond.”

His eyes flew open. “Are you sure? That won’t harm you?”

“It is our belief that it will not.”

“Our?”

“Mine, my father and my counterpart.”

“And if I go mad?”

“You will not. But it will not matter. It will not harm me.”

Jim studied Spock closely. “What if you’re wrong?”

“I am not,” Spock maintained stubbornly. “Jim, I want this. I am ready for whatever we face. Together.”

“I love you.”

“And I cherish thee.” Spock leaned his forehead on Jim’s. “Will you be my bondmate?”

Jim slowly nodded. “All right. Let’s do this.”


	8. T'Pau

Of course Sarek and Selek chose to accompany them to the high priestess which Jim suspected they would. So along with Spock and Bones, they made their way to the high priestess’ chamber, a solemn group.

It was hot but not insufferably so. Or Jim was so wrapped in anxiety he couldn’t really focus on anything else. Spock kept very close to his side for which Jim was grateful.

But as they approached Jim felt a probing in his minds, like fingers stroking along the edge of his brain. He stumbled.

“Jim?” Spock grabbed him. “Are you all right?”

The fingers probed more insistently.

“Jim. Fight it. Fight her. Stay with me,” Spock said, his own fingers going to Jim’s face. “Stay awake.”

_Come with me, Captain. Let’s play. Ignore the Vulcan. He’s not on your side. He just wants to control you. Come with me, James. We’ll have fun._

“Tired,” Jim whispered.

“No, you are not. You are wide awake. We are going to bond. Stay with me.”

He felt Spock trying to get inside his mind.

“Let me in, Jim. Do not shield me.”

_You can see the other Kirk if you want._

“Captain Kirk?”

_Yes, he’s waiting for you, James. He needs you to help him. He’ll never make it back to his Spock if you don’t come and help him._

“Stop!”

Jim jerked as though he was pulled out by a hand closing around him. He became aware he was clinging to Spock and Spock’s hand was still on his face.

“Spock?”

“Yes, ashaya.” Spock’s dark eyes were warm with relief. “Better?”

Jim nodded. “God, that was—that was close.”

“Agreed. I believe if we are fully bonded it will be harder for her to control your mind. Let us make haste.”

Jim tried not to notice that the others were looking at him with growing concern. Spock held his arm now as they entered the hallway that would take them to the high priestess’ chamber. Standing outside the chamber was a Vulcan male who wore the typical blank expression.

“She expects you,” the male said without inflection.

The high priestess sat on a throne as regal as any royalty. Or perhaps a deity. Her very dark hair had been dressed in a rather elaborate style and was adorned with what appeared to be gold jewelry. She wore rather plain brown robes, though, which the contrast seemed odd to Jim.

Introductions were made quickly and without undue fuss and the priestess, called T’Pau, apparently, and a member of Sarek’s family, bade Jim come near and kneel before her.

Her long bony fingers spread out over his face. “May I?”

Jim nodded.

He felt nothing as she closed her eyes, no presence in his mind at all, though he knew she must be examining him. Her hand fell from his face and her gaze rose to Spock.

“It is unwise to formalize your bond at this time.”

Jim stiffened and turned to look up at Spock, whose face could have been carved out of stone.

“Nevertheless, we will formalize the bond,” Spock replied.

T’Pau looked past Spock to where Sarek stood.

If anything, Spock’s face became stonier. “My father does not speak for me nor does he make decisions for me.”

Her gaze returned to Spock. “And you are fully aware of what you are doing?”

“Yes,” Spock replied. “I will not allow my bondmate to be alone during this time. It is my duty to protect him.”

T’Pau spoke words in Vulcan which Jim did not understand and Spock replied in Vulcan, sharply.

Jim was beginning to get annoyed they were talking over his head as though none of this concerned him.

“Look—”

T’Pau’s cold gaze turned to him. “You are an outworlder and do not understand our ways. However, since you already share a link with Spock, it will be done.”

Before Jim could reply, she had turned her attention away from him once more to Spock. She indicated he should kneel beside Jim. Spock did so.

She touched both their faces and murmured words in Vulcan.

Then she said formally, “What thee are about to see comes down from the time of the beginning, without change. This is the Vulcan heart. This is the Vulcan soul. This is our way.”

Jim heard bells jingling in the distance but he did not know from what direction they came.

Suddenly Spock’s thoughts were in his head and his thoughts were in Spock’s. It was hard to tell who was who’s for a moment and then it seemed to coalesce.

Jim panted as T’Pau moved away and her hands were replaced by Spock’s.

_Spock?_

_Yes. I am now going to build stronger shields for you, with your permission._

_Shields?_

_To assist in guarding against Alia’s mind control. The more we can do to prevent her from bringing you to her dream world, the better._

_Will I…will I still get your thoughts?_

_When we speak directly to each other, yes. But not random thoughts._

Jim thought about that and thought perhaps that might be a good thing as he had a lot of strange thoughts even before all this.

_Okay. Will it hurt?_

_No, ashaya._

_Do it then._

A moment later Spock’s hands slipped from his face and Spock was helping him stand.

“You are all right?”

“Yeah. Is that it?”

“For now.”

Jim frowned. “For now? Aren’t we fully bonded?”

Spock nodded. “As bonded as is possible at this time.”

“What does that mean exactly?”

“There is still Pon Farr,” Spock lowered his voice. “That is part of the bond also. Once I have claimed you during Pon Farr—”

Jim shivered.

“Exactly,” Spock said softly.

Jim nodded and licked his lips. “Okay.”

“Jim?” Bones called to him.

Jim smiled at Spock and then turned to Bones.

“T’Pau says they have a Vulcan physician that can assist in removing the chip from your brain.”

He felt Spock stiffen beside him. He glanced at Spock, then back to Bones. “Is it dangerous?”

“Well, yeah. Operating on your brain is extremely dangerous. I won’t lie.” Bones touched his arm, met his gaze. “But you are fully aware of the alternative.”

All too aware. Jim nodded. “Spock?”

“Yes?”

“What do you…what do you think?”

“I think we should at least listen to what the physician has to tell us,” Spock replied.

“Yeah, okay.” Jim stepped over to where T’Pau stood waiting. “Will you take us now?”

She stared at him and then inclined her head. “This way. All of you.”


	9. Operation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short update

Kirk watched the screen, standing next to his captor, Alia. She leaned forward anxiously, her blonde hair draping over the view screen.

“You’ve lost,” he told her mockingly.

She shot him a glare. “Don’t be so sure, Admiral.”

He refocused on the screen, watching the younger Spock and younger Bones walking close to his young self, who had no idea Alia and himself were watching everything from that very chip in his brain. He saw Sarek, much younger than the one he’d known, and of course, Spock. He ignored the ache in his heart, his very soul, at the sight of Spock. _His_.

“They’ll take out your device and you won’t be able to control him any longer.”

“If they can manage it,” Alia said with a sneer. “I didn’t make it easy. They might even kill him trying.” She smiled at that idea. Her smile chilled him. “And if I can just get him into my world before they manage it—”

“To what purpose?” Kirk demanded.

“If he’s in my world, he’ll fight the extraction.”

Kirk once more tried to undo the binds around his wrists. It was no use, they were too tight.

“Oh, I’ll get him back. It’s too delicious having two Kirks for my experiments.” She smiled. “If only I could have the two Spocks too.”

“You leave Spock alone.”

“Ah, but which one?”

“Both,” he ground out. “Leave Jim alone too. You have me, you don’t need them.”

She raked her fingers across his cheek. “Such a brave man. You’re very impressive, Admiral Kirk. A rare and precious specimen.”

She turned back to the view screen. “Even if they extract it, don’t think this is over. He’ll come for you to rescue you. It’s what James Kirk does.”

****

“I don’t know if I can do it, Jim,” Bones said, looking more than a little panicked. He twisted his hands together and paced in front of Jim and Spock. Sarek and Spock, the elder, were still speaking with the Vulcan physician they’d just consulted with. “I thought he’d do it, you know. Not tell me I have to.”

“He will be assisting you the entire time, doctor,” Spock said quietly.

“I’m not a brain surgeon, Spock, and this is _Jim_ we’re talking about.”

“I am well aware of that, doctor.”

“Bones,” Jim said wearily. “Think of the alternative.”

“That’s just what I am doing, Jim. I could kill you. If I do—I would—I would…I couldn’t live with myself.”

“Bones.” Jim went to his friend and grabbed him by the arms. “Listen. I know this is a big risk. I know. But I can’t get through this any other way. I need you, Bones. I need you to do this.”

“One wrong move, Jim. Just one.”

“I know. It’s a lot to ask. But…I’m asking. Please. I’d rather die than live like this, Bones.” He was aware of Spock stiffening beside him and of the wince Bones was unable to mask.

“I don’t understand why that stupid hobgoblin can’t just do it.”

“He doesn’t operate on humans, Bones. He told you his expertise is Vulcans.”

“They can’t be that different,” Bones grumbled.

“There’s not much time,” Jim told him.

“All right. I’ll go prep. You, uh, you better, uh, well talk to Spock. You know. Just in-in case.” Bones turned away, his eyes looking unexpectedly watery and then he left the room.

Jim closed his eyes. “Are you worried?”

“To deny my concern would be illogical, t’hy’la.” Spock drew Jim into his arms. “However, I am well aware that it must be done.”

Jim leaned against him, resting his head on Spock’s shoulder. “It’s getting hard to fight her. I can feel her trying to bring me into her dream world.”

“Just a little while longer, Jim. You will not have to fight her soon.”

“You know how I feel.”

Spock nodded. “And you know the same.”

“No matter what happens, I’ll always—”

“Yes.”

Jim pulled back. “I guess it’s time to get ready.”

Spock stared into his eyes. “I will be there when you awake. I will always be there when you awake.”

Jim nodded, leaned forward and kissed the corner of Spock’s mouth. “Here goes nothing,” he joked, though he knew it fell flat for both of them.

Spock touched Jim’s fingers with his own causing Jim to smile, though there was little to smile about. He felt a probing on his mind and he shook his head.

“Okay.” He turned and went to where Bones would open his skull and remove the chip planted by Alia. Hopefully.

****

_“You can whistle really loud, you know that?”_

_“Who was that pointy-eared bastard?”_

_“You know, coming back in time, changing history... that's cheating.”_

_“The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”_

_“There will always be those who mean to do us harm. To stop them, we risk awakening the same evil within ourselves.”_

“Jim.”

He was walking down a long tunnel.

“Jim.”

It seemed endless and dark. Unbearably cold.

“T’hy’la.”

The end of the tunnel began to get light. Then lighter still.

“Yes, Jim, this way. Come.”

Jim choked, gasped, and then opened his eyes.

Gazing down at him were Bones and Spock. Bones was smiling. Spock merely arched a brow. They were beautiful.

“Did it work?”

“It worked, Jim,” Bones assured him. He held up a tiny thing in some sort of metal clasp. “See?”

“That was it? I can barely see it.”

“That’s it. Took us twelve hours.”

Jim closed his eyes. “Tired.”

“And it’s no wonder,” Bones said. “I’m rather tired myself.”

Jim smiled but he didn’t open his eyes. There was no one probing his mind and for that, as Spock would say, he was gratified.


	10. A Visit

Selek stepped close to Jim’s bed, wiping a stray strand of hair off the young captain’s forehead. He looked paler than was normal for him but otherwise he appeared to be at peace.

He glanced at his hovering young counterpart. “You will give us a moment.” It was meant to be a question, a polite query, but he was aware it sounded far more like a command.

His young counterpart stiffened in response even as he seemed to shift ever closer to Jim’s side as though to protect him even from an older— out of the past— version of himself.

“I would never harm him,” Selek assured his young self.

“He has been irreparably harmed by those who likely said the same words as you have in the past,” young Spock said coolly. “I will seek out and destroy anything or anyone who would harm him now.”

“Of that I have no doubt. You may wait in the corridor. I will not be long.”

His counterpart narrowed his eyes but after briefly touching Jim’s hand, he departed the room.

Selek touched his fingertips to Jim’s forehead. “Wake, ashaya.”

Only a moment later, Jim’s eyelashes fluttered open. He looked confused at first but then the fog cleared from his expression and clear blue eyes gazed at him. “Hey.”

“Hello, Jim.”

“How long have you been here?”

“Just a moment or two. I sent your Vulcan bodyguard away for a short time.”

Jim smiled. “He hasn’t really left my side since the operation.”

“Or before it I imagine. Since you were recovered after your captivity.”

“Yeah.” Jim’s smile faded. “It’s still weird to be missing for twenty-eight days. I can’t remember all of it.”

“It is perhaps best that way.” Selek reached for Jim’s hand and he was gratified when Jim’s young hand curved around his own gnarled hand.

“Are you worried?”

“Clarify.”

“That Alia being out of my head…maybe we won’t be able to find your bondmate? I might not be able to find him, Spock.”

“Jim, it will be what it will be.”

“Kaiidth.”

“Yes.”

“You must be a little concerned at least. I mean he’s out there, somewhere in this universe, and you could be reunited. I don’t want to fail you.”

Selek tightened his hold on Jim’s hand. “You could not. It has never been my intention to find my Jim at your expense. That would be, I assure you, unacceptable to myself and to him.”

“You deserve to be together,” Jim insisted.

“Yes,” Selek agreed. “And we have been in our own timeline and universe. If that can be accomplished here, I will be gratified. But Jim and I long ago made peace with our circumstances.”

“You want to find him though. I know you do.”

“Of course. It would be my pleasure to find this Alia, destroy her chamber of captives, and rescue all that she torments. Including my t’hy’la.”

“I’d like to destroy her,” Jim muttered.

“I would not be opposed to this.”

Jim smiled again. “When I get out of here, we’ll start with Delta Vega. Much of what I remember took place in what looked like a place very similar.”

“I am agreeable to this as long as Spock is.”

Jim snorted. “I don’t need his permission. I’m the captain.”

Selek did not hide his amusement. “Indeed but he is your mate. I believe he will have an opinion.”

As though he knew very well they were discussing him, the door to the room opened and young Spock stepped inside.

“You have concluded your discussion?”

Selek arched a brow. “I had not. But I have no objection to your remaining.”

Spock inclined his head and stepped close to Jim’s bed. His gaze went straight to their held hands. Selek found his obvious jealousy amusing.

“I will see you again, soon,” Selek assured Jim. “It is time for my meditation.”

Jim searched his eyes, and then nodded. “Okay.”

Selek departed the room, wondering if he and Jim had ever really been that young.

****

“You aren’t jealous, are you?”

“To be jealous of myself would be both illogical and unwise,” Spock replied. He rested his hand on Jim’s cheek. “How do you feel, Jim?”

“A little tired still.”

“Understandable as you have just had brain surgery.”

Jim nodded. “I can’t wait to get out of here and back on the Enterprise. We have to find this bitch, Spock.”

“I concur.”

“She has all these-these specimens-she calls them. She can’t keep getting away with this. What she did to me…she’s doing to others.”

Spock’s fingers flattened over his face and Jim felt calm. “We will find her.”

“Are you doing that?”

Spock nodded. “Yes. Our skin contact allows me feel your emotions and to add mine to yours to soothe you.”

Jim nodded. “It’s nice. We can do this, right?”

“Affirmative.” Spock hesitated. “As long as you will allow me to keep you safe.”

He narrowed his eyes. “What does that mean exactly? Spock, you can’t keep me out of this.”

“Jim—”

“No, Spock. You are not dealing with Alia alone.”

“I do not wish to lose you.”

“I know. And I don’t wish to lose you either. I won’t let you face her alone. Not for anything.”

Spock exhaled. “So we do this together.”

“As always, Spock. As always.”

 


	11. A Revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short update, but I didn't want anyone to think I'd forgotten this. More to come sometime in June.

“How do you think our young Captain Kirk will react to the news I carry his child?” Alia asked Kirk as they across a dinner table together. She patted her growing stomach.

She had one of her minions undue the binds around his wrist so that he could eat. Not that he found the food terribly appetizing. But he had to eat if he was ever going to get out of here. He was never going to be the type to starve himself to escape his prison, no matter how nightmarish.

“He’ll be appalled,” Kirk replied. “Just as I would be.”

Alia laughed at that. “Nevertheless, I suspect he won’t be able to dispose of me knowing I carry little Kirk junior.”

“If he even believes it’s his.”

“Oh, it is. One of the first tasks I completed when I had him captured was to get pregnant.”

Kirk eyed her balefully. “You forced yourself on him?”

“Oh believe me, Kirk, it was not that difficult. He was in the dream state.”

“That’s called rape, lady.”

She shrugged. “I raped his mind, why not his body?” She smirked. “You’re wondering if I used yours in the same way.”

“Did you?”

“It wasn’t necessary. I only needed one James Kirk. Forgive me, Captain, but I chose the young, virile one.”

“I feel bad for Jim but at least I managed to escape one atrocity. What was the point anyway?”

“Clearly I find you fascinating. Is it any surprise I want a child born of James Kirk?”

Kirk stared at her. “You’d experiment on your own child?”

“If necessary. But that is not my intent. The child, a boy, will be raised in a privileged existence.”

“He’ll come for you. He may not kill you, but he will come, and he will take that child away from you,” Kirk assured her. “I know that’s what I’d do.”

Alia smiled. “Oh, I’m counting on him coming back. I just don’t think he’ll be successful in his attempts to rescue you and the others. But if I am wrong, I know that he will keep me alive at least until his son is born.”

She studied his plate of food. “Eat up, Captain. You will need your strength.”

“For what?”

“Well, as you have so logically pointed out, you _are_ James Kirk. You and the young one think alike. You have the same strategic mind. I will know exactly how he would propose to attack my compound because I will obtain that information from you, Captain.”

Kirk sucked in a breath. “Over my dead body.”

She picked up her goblet of water. “I do hope that won’t be necessary.”

****

“Are you sure about this?” Jim asked Selek as they prepared to beam back aboard the Enterprise. “You don’t have to come along.”

“I wish to be there when my Jim is rescued.”

“You know I’d bring him right to you.”

“Yes. But I want to be there. You would also were you in my place.”

Jim smiled. “Yeah, yeah I would. But I’m a lot younger—”

“There is no need to brag, Jim,” Selek said primly.

He laughed. “I’m not. It’s just that, if anything happens to you, he’s gonna kill me.”

Selek shook his head. “He would not. And you know this.”

Jim sighed. “All of you Spocks are very stubborn.” He glanced to his own Spock who arched a brow at him. He flipped open his communicator. “Energize.”


	12. Triumph

Jim slinked down the icy corridor of a cave on Delta Vega. Right behind him was Spock. And behind him was another Spock. And security.

Spock—that is the one he was sleeping with—wanted to be in front of him rather than behind but Jim had vetoed that. In reality he suspected both Spocks would have preferred to be in front, charging forth to apprehend Alia themselves. But Jim was still the captain and he said no. He was taking point.

The truth was he didn’t know what they’d find down here. Alia or anything. Their scans hadn’t revealed a large base of prisoners held by a crazy woman. Okay, they couldn’t tell she was crazy from a planetary scan. But the point was there were no signs of Alia and her base. He was starting to think he had it all wrong after all because they’d gone through corridor after corridor of frozen cave with no results.

And yet…so much of it was familiar.

Jim stopped so suddenly at the end of the corridor that Spock nearly plowed into his back.

“Captain?”

Jim shook his head but provided no other response. He stepped close to the wall he stood next to. There was a protruding rock. He touched it but nothing happened. With a frown, he shot it with his phaser. The wall behind the rock shook and then slid open.

“Fascinating,” Selek said from behind Spock.

“Captain, may I suggest I go first?” Spock asked.

“Sure, you may suggest it.” Jim smiled. “I still say no.”

They went through the opening and through more lonely, cold corridors.

As they turned right into one more corridor that was when things got sketchy. One minute they were alone and the next they were converged on by several of Alia’s guards. The Spocks stayed close to Jim, not letting the guards near him. Then Alia herself appeared. Looking very pregnant.

Jim blinked. “Is that some kind of illusion?”

Alia smirked. She held a phaser pointed at Jim. “No illusion, my pet. The child is yours.”

“Mine?” he asked incredulously.

“Indeed. You were quite a capable lover, Captain.”

“I don’t—”

“Ah, but you did. Repeatedly. I have video if you’d like to see. It’s quite erotic.”

Jim grimaced. “I’m pretty sure I’m going to throw up.”

She lifted her phaser higher. “You’re coming with me. Your Vulcans will go with the guards.”

He shook his head. “No.”

“No? I don’t think you have a choice, Kirk,” she said with a snide look.

Jim came out of his hiding place in the corridor and stepped up behind her, looping his arm around her neck and quickly disarming her. He put the phaser to her temple.

“How?” Alia demanded, looking straight at the Jim standing in front of the Spocks.

“Holo projection, sweetheart. You don’t think I’d come down here unprepared for your tricks, did you?” Jim pressed the phaser against her.

“I carry your child, you won’t shoot me,” she insisted.

“Don’t be so sure. Where is Admiral Kirk?”

“I don’t know who you are talking about,” Alia spat.

Behind Alia’s own guards, Jim’s security force, led by Lieutenant Commander Giotto appeared. They quickly overpowered the guards with the help of two Vulcans who made short work of them.

“You’ve lost, lady. Now where is Admiral Kirk and the others?”

“There is a room over here, Captain,” Spock announced, pressing on another wall.

Alia made an outraged noise as they pushed through the opening. Another several doors later and they began to find cells with captives in them. Jim, dragging Alia, and the others pressed on until they found yet another secret corridor.

Finally the last cell in this one was shuttered tight.

“Open it,” Jim ordered her.

“Open it yourself,” she said defiantly.

“You’re going away for a long time, you’d think you’d cooperate.”

“I have nothing to gain by doing so. If I really am ‘going away’ as you say, there’s no reason I should assist you.”

“If you ever want to see your child, you will.” Jim pushed her toward the door.

For a long time she just stood stubbornly, refusing to move. Then with a heavy sigh, she pressed a panel and then coded in a password. The door slid open.

Selek rushed into the room before anyone else and Jim heard him exclaim, “Jim!”

He was filled with an almost dizzying relief when he heard Admiral Kirk respond, too softly to hear.

Jim grabbed Alia and handed her over to Giotto and his security. “Take her to the medbay. Have McCoy examine her. She looks like she’s pretty far along.”

The guards took her away and Jim turned to Spock. _His_ Spock.

“It’s over,” Jim said softly.

Spock came to him and cupped his cheek. “Not quite. Starfleet will want to investigate this place and all her dream elements. And those she held captive from many planets and universes. Her knowledge is quite advanced.”

“Yeah. But at least she can’t hurt anyone anymore.” He flicked his head toward the room. “Think they’ll be okay? They’re not even in their universe.”

“They will adjust. They are Kirk and Spock. I am fairly certain they can withstand anything,” Spock said with some amusement.

“Yeah. About that. Um. Think we can withstand having a child?”

“It does not seem like we have a choice, t’hy’la.”

“I love you.” Jim leaned into Spock. “One thing is for sure, there is no way that woman will get anywhere near that child. Ever.”

“I did wonder.”

“I needed something to get her to open that door,” Jim admitted. He sighed. “This is really fucked.”

“It will get better.”

Jim shook his head. “For all of them? And for those two?”

“I am certain just being together again is enough for them.”

Jim peaked around the corner into the room and saw Selek and Admiral Kirk kissing. He smiled. “You may be right about that.”

“Come. They probably wish some privacy.” Spock led Jim further down the corridor. And Jim concentrated on what he was going to have to tell Starfleet. It was going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up the Primes


	13. The Prime of Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Primes are reunited

They were in private quarters on the Enterprise reserved for visiting dignitaries and admirals. They were more luxurious than even the captain’s quarters, though perhaps luxurious was not quite the correct word. At the moment he did not care to think over hard on it.

Selek, as he was known in this universe, couldn’t quite believe that he stood in these private quarters with James T. Kirk once again.

They’d been ushered off of Delta Vega—Selek hoped for the last time—without much time for conversation between them. But Jim—young Jim—had arranged this for them.

He’d almost gotten used to the blue eyes of Jim Kirk, but now as he stared into the hazel he was so familiar with, something eased the tightness in him. A tightness that had built up over many years without this human.

“You are a little older than the last time I saw you,” Kirk said, speaking softly, hesitantly, almost as if he was boisterous about it then it would all fade away to nothing.

“Time does not stand still even in other universes,” Selek replied. “But you are very much the one I know.”

Kirk smiled. “Yes.” His smile widened when Selek put his hand upon his face. “I never would have believed it possible.”

“Many things occur which we cannot explain.”

He nodded. “Maybe it’s best we don’t even try.”

“Do you recall how you were abducted from our universe?”

“Just—one moment I was pulling weeds in the garden in Riverside and the next, I was there, on that ice planet.”

“Where she forced you into her dream world.”

“Yes. There were many times I didn’t know what was a dream and what was reality.”

“Alia will answer for her crimes,” Selek assured his t’hy’la. "Once her child has been born.”

“A crime in itself,” Kirk said quietly. “I hope they have better luck with their child than I had with David.”

“There are many differences in the timeline here, Jim. I believe they will make the best of it.” He moved his hand up Kirk’s face, almost but not quite to his meld points. “I never thought to see you or to hold you again.”

“I felt the same. I didn’t think I would ever get off that planet. And Delta Vega?” He laughed a little. “That’s not the Delta Vega I remember. That’s where Gary—”

“Yes. I recall.”

Kirk grinned. “Of course you do. You remember everything, don’t you, Spock?”

“Even some things I would rather not.”

Kirk went into Selek’s arms and he pulled Kirk close.

“Selek, huh? I gotta say, I don’t want to call you anything but Spock.”

“I do not expect you to. It was a necessary change given this universe’s timeline.”

Kirk put his hands on Selek’s face, a mirror to Selek’s hands on Kirk’s. “Vulcan is gone?”

“I could not save it.”

“I’m sorry, Spock. Is there any way for us to go back to our time?”

“Since we are at different times even in our own universe the chances that you and I could be together as we are now are quite slim.” Selek hesitated. “However, if that is your desire, I will try to make it happen.”

Kirk shook his head. “What I desire is to spend the rest of whatever lives we have now, we have left, with you.”

“That is my desire as well.”

He lowered his lips to Kirk’s and they kissed softly for a long time. They would have to relearn each other. It had been too long for him without his bondmate. When Selek had left his own universe Kirk was already dead. And now he was…alive again. He thought it was probably best not to bring up Kirk’s death. Not now. Everything had changed for them and for their young counterparts.

“They’re really young, aren’t they?” Kirk asked when they’d stopped kissing. It was as though he read Selek’s mind. Perhaps he had. He felt their bond already, bright and powerful. So right.

“Yes,” Selek agreed. “And every bit as stubborn as we were.”

“They’re together though, aren’t they? Before we were.”

Selek nodded. “In that, they are blessed.”

Kirk pulled away slightly to smirk. “Blessed?”

“Well in simple human terms.”

“Of course.” His smile faded and he sighed. “This ship is not our Enterprise.”

“It is not.”

“I feel…old.”

“You are still in the prime of your life,” Selek assured him.

“You have to say that. What will we do here then, Spock?”

“I have a home on the colony that is New Vulcan. I would like for you to share it with me,” Selek said formally.

“That does sound nice. Just the two of us, huh?”

“Yes.”

Kirk frowned a little. “None of our crew. It’s a little strange. What’s Bones like with this bunch anyway?”

Selek arched a brow. “Remarkably similar.”

“Glad to hear some things don’t change.”

Selek reached for Kirk’s hand and touched his fingers to Kirk’s. “Now perhaps we should become reacquainted.”

“Why, Mister Spock, are you suggesting what I think you are?”

“If you do not understand then I am being more subtle then I realized.”

Kirk laughed and kissed Selek long and slow. “I did miss you. So much.”

“As I have missed you, t’hy’la.”

“Very well. Take me to bed and have your way with me, Mister Spock.”

“It will be my pleasure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter to go. Our boys become parents.


	14. A Family

“Okay that was really a weird experience.”

Spock tilted his head. “Explain.”

They were walking out of the transporter room and down the corridor.

“Hugging myself,” Jim replied. “You’re not supposed to be able to do that. Or something.”

“He is not you…exactly. But nevertheless I do understand the sentiment.” Spock paused. “Considering.”

Jim grinned. “I guess you would, wouldn’t you?” They got into the turbolift. “I’m going to miss them. Both of them.”

“Indeed.”

“I’d like to get to New Vulcan to visit them sometime but with the mission and the other thing…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “It may not be possible.”

Spock nodded. “Likely not.”

“Will we be like them when we’re that age?”

“We cannot be their biological ages at the same time. Admiral Kirk is at present sixty-five years old whereas my counterpart—”

Jim kissed him to shut him up. “I know. I mean old together.”

“Given your reckless behavior and the dangers of our careers it is likely one or both of us will not survive to advanced age.”

“You’re not the romantic type, Spock.” Jim smiled and kissed him. “I do adore you anyway.”

Spock’s eyes turned gooey warm. “And I adore you.”

The doors opened onto the corridor with the officers’ quarters. They strode down the corridor to their room.

Spock tapped in their code and the doors slid open to reveal a cooing Bones and Uhura. Bones was holding their bundle of joy—or something like that—and Uhura stood over him, smiling down at it…him.

“There’s your daddy,” Bones declared.

Jim grimaced and shared a look with Spock. “I’m pretty sure the baby can’t understand you.”

“Sure he does. He has two geniuses for parents. Plus his mother was a genius too.”

“An evil genius,” Jim reminded him. He scooped up his son, feeling his chest tighten. He was so tiny. So fragile. He didn’t know what to do with this tiny boy.  Would he screw things up?

He felt a gentle hand on the back of his neck and when he looked up it was only Spock left in the room.

“Where’d they go?”

“I thought it best we were alone,” Spock said softly. “Are you all right?”

“I spaced out a little, huh?”

“Yes.”

“I just…I have no idea what to do with this…with him. I never expected to be a father. Not like this anyway.”

“Together we will figure it out, t’hy’la.”

“Yeah.” Jim nodded. “Yeah. I mean we’ve had him for a week now. I haven’t managed to do something stupid yet. But he’s so small.”

“He will grow.”

Jim nodded, licked his lips. “He asked me if I was going to name him David.”

“Admiral Kirk?”

“I said no. That’s bad right? But I didn’t want to name him the same as his son and anyway—”

“The admiral’s son was killed.”

He swallowed heavily. “Yeah.”

Spock looked over his shoulder at the baby. “I think Samuel is a good name for him.”

Jim smiled as the baby’s fingers wrapped around his index finger. “Yeah… Sam. Are you sure that’s okay?” He held his breath. He really hoped Spock would not say something like, ‘he’s your baby, you decide’. He very much wanted this to be their baby. In all the ways that mattered.

“I am satisfied with his middle name being Vulcan,” Spock said instead. “Samuel Sarek Kirk.”

“It’s perfect.”

“May I hold him?”

“You don’t have to ask, Spock. You are his sa-mekh.”

Spock’s lips curved ever so slightly as he took their son from Jim’s arms. “I spoke to my counterpart before he left and he told me he once received instructions from Dr. McCoy on how to hold a baby.”

“Yeah?” Jim chuckled. “I would have liked to have seen that. I’m surprised he told you that much. He’s all closed mouthed on most stuff.”

“He thought the information pertinent, I suppose.”

“You’re going to make a wonderful sa-mekh.”

“And you will be a wonderful father also, ashal-veh.”

Jim leaned over Sam and kissed Spock. Then he pulled back to look at the baby and Spock. “Out of such tragedy comes something so remarkable.”

“He is beautiful, like his father.” Their gazes met and held.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t go planet-side? I mean having a baby on a starship.” Jim was fretting already.

“Wherever we raise him, we will be all right, Jim. So will Sam.”

Jim nodded, releasing a breath. “Yeah. You’re right again.”

Sam peered at them wide-eyed and then suddenly started to squirm and fuss.

“I believe our son is hungry,” Spock said.

“Yes.” Jim couldn’t smile any wider. “Our son.” 

 ** _Five Years Later_**  

“Want to go visit sa-mekh at his classroom?” Jim asked, kneeling down next to Sam. He still seemed pretty small now that Jim thought about it. But he was a beautiful towheaded boy with bright blue eyes. As far as Jim could tell his son hadn’t got much from whatshername.

“Yeah!” Sam agreed enthusiastically.

They walked together toward the Academy from their townhome, Jim holding Sam’s hand as he chattered away. In that he had a lot in common with Jim. But so far he showed quite a bit of interest in science like Spock. Even at such a young age.

Spock’s afternoon class had just let out as they approached the classroom and Jim smiled in greeting as students passed him, some of them practically saluting him. He shook his head.

They went into the classroom and Spock looked up from the work he was doing on his PADD immediately.

“Admiral, Sam.”

Sam ran to Spock, who lifted the boy into his arms. “I missed you, sa-mekh.”

“I saw you this morning,” Spock reminded their son.

“That was ages ago.” Sam eyed Spock. “Didn’t you miss me?”

“Indeed I did,” Spock assured the boy.

Jim reached Spock at a much more sedate pace. Spock touched his fingers to Jim’s in greeting. “We thought we’d go have an early dinner at Sam’s favorite pizza parlor, if you’re okay with that.”

“I am amenable.”

“Menable,” Sam repeated.

Jim chuckled and he felt Spock’s answering amusement across their bond.

“Uncle Len is coming too,” Sam advised Spock.

“Indeed. It will be nice to see him.”

Sam looked at Jim. “See, Daddy. You said he’d be grumpy when I told him.”

Spock arched a brow in Jim’s direction but Jim just grinned and winked at his husband. “Let me just shut this down.” He tucked his PADD into his book bag and slung it over his shoulder, still carrying Sam. They made their way out of the classroom.

“I’m going to be a scientist like sa-mekh,” Sam told them, probably for the tenth time.

“Okay,” Jim agreed. Something beeped on his communicator. He pulled it out and read the message there. He frowned.

“What is it?” Spock asked.

Jim answered over their bond.

_Alia has escaped._

_What? When?_

_Yesterday and they are just now letting me know._

_How?_

_I don’t know. But she’s getting nowhere near Sam._

_Agreed._

_I have a meeting after dinner. You’ll stay with Sam?_

_Of course._

“Daddy?”

Their gazes met, held. Then he shifted his gaze to Sam.

Jim forced a bright smile. “Come on, kiddo. Let’s go get that pizza.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap.  
> Wa ha ha. Couldn't resist a cliffy end.
> 
> this was inspired originally by this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-tY_TuJOrk 
> 
>  


End file.
